I had no clue that God was loving, caring, kind, easy to be entreated, etc.when I was in the meetings. I had to learn this AFTER I became a Christian. 27 Jan 00 Jane Green

As a 2X2 I can assure you that my "vision" of God, was that he was a bad tempered tyrant that DEMANDED to be worshipped. It was a lot "safer" to be in the 2X2s than out. Yep ! ! better to believe and be on the "safe side" than to go to hell. Jan 21, 2000 Marge Reynolds

I never knew God or anything about His character in the 2x2s. He was just like some monster ready to pounce on me. JG 9/99

I thought I was unique in that I grew up so afraid of God. I don't remember any specific [2x2] teaching, but I sure know that I was afraid of displeasing God. I also assumed that every time I got a cold or got sick, I must have done something wrong. I really had to stretch my imagination, to come up with some "shortcomings" at times! I don't really know where I got this image of God as a mean, controlling, guy with a fist ready to pounce on me--it was just there. I learned (very well) to be extremely hard on myself and very judgmental--beating myself up continually if I was anything less than "perfect". (I didn't need any enemies, I could do it so well all by myself!) Someone else also wrote that they thought that if they "messed up" in some way that God would immediately punish them--with a disease or an accident, or some other misfortune. They lived in fear of this. Rosalie from Washington. July 99

I never gave very much thought to who God is or who Jesus is while in the fellowship. Who the workers are esteemed to be, seemed to take preference. We were still professing in the fellowship in 1992 when we read a little book that said the workers and friends don't believe in Christ as (part of) God. I told my wife the book was lying because I had believed in God that way since before I professed and was sure all the workers and friends did too. My wife said she certainly had never believed in Him that way before and then I realized for the first time why she had never joined in any conversations on the subject. Shortly after that, for the first time in our many years together, she was no longer afraid to talk about being saved and express her love for Jesus!

My concept of God when I was professing was very confused. I did not hear of the triune God until I was about 17 from another church, and even then I didn't believe it, the concept was contrary to what I had been taught by the workers. I heard so much spoken about God, and then so much about Jesus, but I still couldn't figure out why Christ had to die the way He did if He just lived to be our perfect example! Why did He have to die so cruelly? Why didn't He live to an old age and die of natural causes? I heard again and again that He died for our sins, but could not work out why or how. I didn't know exactly what this God we were serving wanted from me. I tried to obey all the rules, but was afraid of dying. What if I wasn't good enough? Was I saved simply from belonging to the church? I did not have any assurance that the God who I was serving would actually save me.

I was taught that the Creator was God the Father only. I believed that Jesus Christ was His earthly Son, a perfect human being, definitely not God! I believed that the Holy Ghost was a force or energy that came from God. The Holy Ghost was an "it", not a person, and definitely not God!

I always pictured God, with Willie Smiley’s face, as being "up there" just waiting to say "gottcha!"

My concept of God while I was in 2x2s & especially as a teenager, was of a cruel, heartless God whose purpose was to make my life miserable. I HAD to have God in my life to have a 'chance' of eternal life (because I have no confidence I was saved—just trying to be, hoping to be) yet life was so hard. I had so little joy & again the only consolation we could cling to was that we were in the right way.

Just before I left the fellowship I was speaking with an "outsider." (Someone whom I could trust not to "squeal" on me if I decided NOT to leave the 2x2s. Up until that time I had not even hinted to anyone that I was thinking of leaving.) This person suggested that I stay in the group for a few more months but I had reached the point where that thought was most repulsive to me. I intended to go to a few more meetings but I just could not think of what I would say in my testimony. This "outsider" person suggested that I speak on the love of God! What a novel idea! I did know that God loved me but to speak on the love of God is not something that I would have thought of! Imagine! Anyway, I *did* speak on the love and God and, as it turns out, that was the last meeting I ever attended. I certainly know the love of God now and I thank Him every day for all He has done for me!

We were told to pray for others. That God wasn’t to be bothered with our every day thoughts or needs.

It was also hard to hear about a loving, kind and caring God!! God always took on the aura that those hard-liner workers had. To be fair there were some very kind, considerate & loving workers but it seems like the harsh ones could undo the good ones in a heartbeat! I'm digressing here, but it was so welcome & so good when I began to understand that Jesus is God & He cares for me, He does love me & His goal isn't to unseat me or make my life miserable. He isn't there to tell me sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice & then tell me how much joy I have & what a happy person I am. I am thankful for that 'inner' change that comes from a personal relationship with God.

I can remember riding home on the school bus and struggling with every thought, thinking God would punish me if I thought "wrong."