In my experience, the person being buried is all but ignored in the service. I went to a 2x2 funeral several years ago, and the memories of it stuck with me particularly clearly. I can even remember some of the exact wording....

"Now, we could stand here and just talk about the life of __________, but we KNOW he would much rather that we spend this time talking about the day two homeless strangers came his way...."

The worker then proceeded to give the standard spiel on the homeless, penniless ministry etc, rubbish other churches for spending their funeral services actually talking about the dead person, etc etc. At this funeral I felt particularly sorry for the unprofessing part of the family, here they were to farewell their grandfather, and being verbally attacked from across the graveside by the workers. I remember looking at them and thinking that if I was in their shoes, I would be pretty mad! A funeral should be for all the family and friends, but this funeral was kind of hijacked. I also thought how funny we all (2x2s) must have looked to them (the unprofessing), all in our long hair and long dresses. This was when I was still very much a hearty 2x2!

I find it interesting how the dead person was spoken of here - not that he had accepted Jesus, but that he had accepted the 2 homeless preachers who came to him. Very little else was said about the deceased at this funeral.

I find this very different to funeral services I have attended at my own Christian church. Thanks and praise is given for the life of this now deceased person, their faith, personal relationships and earthly journey is talked about as we farewell one of our fellow travelers for a time. If the funeral is accompanied by a full church service (which ours often are), a sermon is preached from a passage of the deceased's choosing. (If this is possible of course). Our hope in JESUS is talked about, NOT our hope in those who preach the Word to us! We also sing joyful songs of praise that this person has faithfully finished their earthly course.

I also note that for those in the 2x2s who die tragically young, much is made of whether or not they were "professing". If they were not, workers often use the deceased as a warning in Gospel meetings for years to come. The unprofessing fact is also often woven into the funeral service. The workers seem to especially delight in preaching about young people who "go out" and then die not long after. We've all heard these stories!

Just an aside - (I know I'm getting a little off track) - when I left the 2x2s, I mentally prepared myself for something dreadful to happen. Not that I was expecting God's judgment, I KNEW the true Gospel - but also knew that if something DID happen to me, everyone would point the finger. "She left and look what happened!!!!" I wanted to be able to say "This is not God's judgment, this is His will, and I am content with knowing the True Gospel". Has anyone else felt like this? I even asked David (before we married) that if I died, could he ensure I was NOT buried by the workers! He was a little worried by this, as obviously my parents would have arranged the funeral. I was even going to write a legal document to prevent a worker burial!

I think there are still people out there who cannot believe I have a happy marriage and am enjoying life to the full. They are all waiting and sometimes I think almost wanting something to happen to me to prove their point and justify themselves. This is not just my imagination run wild - the workers themselves told me that I would be sorry, everything would go wrong and fail and I would have to come back to them, totally brokenhearted etc, in a few years.

Well, I will finish. Comments anyone? Anyone else feeling that the 2x2s are waiting for you to get hit by lightning or run over by a bus?

Love to all,

______ ______ 4/97

I remember when I was a little girl (over sixty years ago) being taken to funerals of the professing people. (I don't ever remember going to any non-professing people.) My Mother happened to be one of the women that was asked to sing, along with another lady.

The tempo was very slow, the reading from the Bible very long, and the deceased person praised for their life testimony, having meetings in their home, never a word said about how Jesus died that we could have forgiveness, and a personal relationship with Him. And the assurance of Salvation. If the remaining family were not professing, the funeral was turned into a gospel meeting, with the emphasis on being lost for all eternity, so in my ears I heard only the depressive fear and despair.

I just want to share with you how different it will be at my funeral, I have written a living will that says....

"I want singing about the Glory of God, Praise to Jesus for His resurrection. I want everyone to understand that physical death to me is going to be a beautiful door through which I will go to that "Abiding Place" that Jesus Christ has ready for me. John 14:1,2,3

Love you all.

Ruth Tibbits-Cowin

4/97

I attended what seems like hundreds of 2x2 funerals as a child. I have also attended three funerals since leaving the 2x2's. Each time, my experience with 2x2 funerals has been much different than yours. I don't doubt that many of the things you mention happen at 2x2 funerals. However, the funerals I have attended have been marked by genuine grief for the deceased, and compassion and empathy for the family and friends. The focus was not on the 2x2's as the only right way, though like at most other denominational funerals, the workers expressed their beliefs that the deceased had gone on to a better place. In my little corner of the world, the 2x2's are a very close group, and turn out in large numbers to support the family and each other as they begin the process of grieving for someone they have loved and lost.

____ _____

P.S. A joke my grandfather (a current 2x2) likes to tell seems rather appropriate. When one professing man was asked about the relatively small number of people in the 2x2's, he responded: "Wait until one of them dies, and you will see how many there are." 4/97

I remember someone telling me they'd heard two little boys from meeting talking & the one said that weddings of the 'friends' were small but "boy you should see our funerals"! Growing up in this I'd never realized how much emphasis is placed on the number of people that attend funerals. It's always considered a feather in your cap when the funeral directors make comments that they don't usually have funerals this big nowadays or they have to put more chairs up. Something that has really upset me in the past years is when I hear of everyone flocking to the funeral of a 2x2 but they never had time to visit them in the nursing home where they've perhaps lived for the past 10 years or gone to their home or paid a hospital visit when they are sick. I think of how much a visit might have meant to someone elderly maybe sick or depressed. How they might have been encouraged by a visit or felt compassion from someone and it bugs me that they only show up for the funeral when obviously it's too late to do anything for the deceased.

I've also noticed how impersonal 2x2 funerals often are. As others have written the emphasis is on the workers coming on the scene of their lives but not on them. I can understand giving the gospel message (about Jesus though & not about homeless ministry) but since this is to pay tribute to someone who died couldn't it be a bit about the person? Many times I've been to a 2x2 funeral when the worker was new to the area or the person had been in a nursing home and they had never even met before!! That's a sad commentary I think for someone who maybe has been going to meeting all their life or for years.

At the church we attend our pastor's father died a few years ago. We went to the funeral, though we never knew the man who died. Our pastor & his nephew who is also a pastor had the service. Family members sang and it was SO personal. We felt like we'd stepped into a family reunion. When the service started, our pastor said 'we want to thank you all for coming here to celebrate Dad's homecoming'. I thought that was so great. There were lots of tears shed (including mine) but there was praise to God that we would see this man in heaven.

Emotions are so high at times like this at best, but because the deceased is cold & dead -- is that any reason for the service to be cold & so impersonal?

__________ 4/97

Have you ever noticed how the typed notes of a funeral usually list the names of EVERY SINGLE worker who attended, while it makes no mention of who or how many family, friends or outsiders attended??

I have sat through some funerals workers held where the name of the deceased wasn't even mentioned. One was for a professing aunt and theobituary wasn't even read! But for the casket, we might have been inan ordinary gospel meeting. Non-professing relatives who attended were quite incensed--and stated so. How could we defend the workers--we agreed with the relatives! When the point is to remember the deceased, ignoring the deceased person, makes the workers, their belief system and the friends ALL look bad, and leaves a very bad impression on outsiders. Improperly held funerals have been the last straw for several--and they left meetings for good after a close relative died and the workers mis-handled the funeral; and/or made tactless, hurtful, uncalled for remarks to relatives about the disposition of the soul of the deceased.

The worker who held my professing grandfather's funeral began by saying, "Now we haven't come here to eulogize Mr. Moore." Well, why NOT???? Why is it OK to praise a worker to the high heavens at their funerals--but not an ordinary saint?! I have several funeral notes of workers' and some elders' funerals where they were practically preached into Sainthood. Some workers say derogatorily that the "false preachers" "preach 'em straight to heaven" at their funerals. Yet, the workers do too--I have funeral notes to support this.

The most unusual place I ever attended a funeral was one that was held in the convention tent at Round Rock, TX, for a sister worker who died just before or during convention. Another unusual one I attended in Oklahoma was for Dennis Spunaugle, the professing man who's professing wife, Delpha S., has been convicted with murdering him, and is on death row. He was cremated. It wasn't until I was sitting there in the funeral parlor that I realized the friends/workers are never cremated--not in my experience anyway. But I had never heard it spoken for or against.

Joe Crane said at an infant's funeral in Dallas, Texas, that "this baby knew no sin." To his credit, Harry Brownlee preached the "best" funeral I ever sat through, in Oklahoma City. Several times Harry even mentioned the family members by name! The lady was the mother of a sister worker and a professing son. It was a comforting funeral. 4/97

It has been my experience, as well, that a professing person's funeral is always very well attended. (Unless, of course, the family does not allow the workers to "take" the funeral!)

I recall a time when a very elderly professing man passed away. I didn't know him, hadn't been in meetings with him and wasn't clear on which elderly professing man had actually died. I did not attend his funeral even though it was in my city and the workers "took" the funeral.

Soon after the funeral one of the workers made a comment to me about the funeral. I stated that I had not attended. The worker's response to me was: "Oh, ANY TIME one of our friends passes away you are MORE than welcome to attend the funeral whether or not you know the person!" which to me translated to: "You are expected to be at ALL the funerals." (Just one little example of the CONTROL the workers use. It worked on me--thereafter I made EVERY attempt to be at EVERY professing funeral!)

It is my personal opinion that the reason there are SO many at a 2x2 funeral is because it is considered much the same as a Gospel Meeting or a Special Meeting--ONE IS EXPECTED TO BE THERE!

And speaking of Gospel Meeting--it was quite some time before I caught on that (at least in my area) MOST 2x2 funerals are pointed GOSPEL meetings especially if there are going to be a lot of non-professing people in attendance.

For example, while I was still professing and several years before my 2x2 mom's passing I mentioned to one of the friends that if my mom passed away it was unlikely that my non-professing son would be able to come home for her funeral. (He lived several hundreds of miles away and was a student at the time.) My 2x2 friend said "Oh, that would really be too bad. It might be the only Gospel Meeting he ever gets." 4/97

It is often quite confusing for "outsiders" at professing funerals. Often the bent towards the 2x2 Way together with the worker's use of allegories leaves the outsiders wondering what the workers really said/meant. I recall at one funeral the non-2x2 adult children of the person who died were quite confused and they asked me for clarification. The workers theme was that the deceased had "died once before" meaning that this person had "died to self and had accepted the 2x2 way." It would have been clear to the friends what he meant but it totally baffled the deceased's non-professing family and really left them quite unsettled.

I believe that the workers USE a funeral for their purposes whenever they can. I also believe that "superior saints" have a more prestigious funeral with more workers in attendance.

4/97

I went to a professing person's funeral and one of the workers preached strictly their message. This upset some of the friends because they are beginning to see that this is really a negative. One "outsider" mentioned going out - "First time I've been to a funeral and not heard anything about the deceased."

Yes, the funeral is often thought to be the one chance of a "gospel" meeting for outsiders. Yes, funerals are almost a requirement for the friends; but remember that they are also social events - like special meetings and conventions. 4/97

Re: My Grandma’s funeral

I also was reminded again how exclusionary the message of the group is... Jack spoke of Grandma's love for the Lord and her faithfulness and then said they were so glad to see SOME of her grandchildren continuing faithful as Grandma had before. Now... what *I* knew (sitting in the 2nd row for all to see with my short hair and jewelry) was that I was obviously not being counted in with the SOME in the hearts and minds of most of the 2x2's present!! (Even though I KNOW with unshakable certainty the real and wonderfully precious relationship I have with the Lord!) When they speak of "continuing faithful," the unspoken but understood meaning is continuing in "the Way."

It was also a very real reminder again of how judgmental of people and how divisive their message is to the body of Christ. The method of measurement for them is not, "Do you know the Lord personally?" followed with a welcome fellowship with any who answer yes. Rather, in their minds, that question is not necessary, because the answer to that question is made apparent from the outward evidences of:

1) Do you come to the meetings?

2) Do you take part?

3) Do you look the part?

4) Do you honor (lift up) the workers?

5) Are you a "peacemaker" for the group (as opposed to one who asks questions and expects things to make sense... a wave-maker)? 4/97

At another 2x2 funeral recently, we heard about the three things death cannot take away from us... the one that I particularly took issue with there was when he talked about death not being able to take away our memories and spoke of the deceased now taking pleasure from her memories of the meetings, conventions and friends. This, to me, shows a total lack of understanding of what heaven is going to be like, an arrogance in the importance of the here and now and a total lack of praise and honor to GOD. No matter HOW awesome and glorious a few heavenly moments of our life down here might be, it is going to pale into utter insignificance in comparison to the glory of actually being in HIS presence!!

I also thought about the lack of assurance of salvation most of the people in the group have... yet, how interesting that when a faithful one passes on, there seems to suddenly be no doubt but that they have gone on to be with the Lord. When you understand the assurance of our salvation and that it is not by our works, but by God's grace through faith in the finished work of Christ that we are saved, we CAN rejoice KNOWING our loved one has gone home... but, can these people who NEVER think they can know for sure, REALLY suddenly know for sure that their loved one is in heaven? Do they really have the comfort of the assurance one would THINK they had listening to the message? Or are they still left wondering... just as they must wonder and hope about their own salvation? 4/97

____ mentioned how large 2x2 funerals seem to be... living in the Seattle area, where there are lots of friends, it has not been my experience that MOST people go to funerals to say goodbye and be a comfort to the family. (But, I also don't want to generalize away the reality of MANY who DO go for those reasons.) People go even if they didn't know the deceased nor any of the remaining family. I think funeral attendance is almost as "mandatory" as attendance at all other meetings... only people sometimes travel a lot further to go to funerals. I also have noticed the "pride" in overwhelming the funeral home with large services... what they don't realize, though, is that many, many Christian funerals are held at CHURCHES, rather than the funeral home... especially, perhaps, if they know it's going to be a particularly large service.

It has also been my experience that when one finished "faithful," their faithful example is very much lifted up in the funeral service (that is, their faithfulness in remaining in the group, going to themeetings, caring for the workers, etc.) In fact, there is much time spent on lifting up that person's faithfulness, almost to the exclusion of lifting up anything about Jesus and what HE has done. However, if one wasn't "faithful," that's generally when they are hardly given any notice.

I guess we've all attended those 2x2 services where they left little doubt as to what they felt the fate of the person's salvation was and it wasn't a very comforting service for the family to be sure. 4/97

I've heard it preached that...

How sad if we died, and only got one foot in heaven's door...

How MANY profess, but do not possess...

I've heard the friends express...that they weren't ready to go yet. That they still had so much to do. And they meant they needed more time as there were many works they still needed to do to insure they got to heaven.

In my experience, as some others have expressed, the friends do not know whether or not they are saved. They do however, judge whether or not others are when they die. Those who die "faithful to the end in the truth" who lived a good life according to its standards, they usually consider to be saved. It's what they'd like to think, and there is nothing that can prove otherwise with any certainty.

Then, there are some friends who believe some near and dear to them (yet outsiders) who have passed on are also saved--they sure would like to think so anyway! They hope against hope. This is ONE area where some 2x2s have doubt, even if they never express it aloud. They even hope one of its basic tenets is false; i.e. that it's not true that its theonly way, in which one MUST be, in order to be saved. 4/97

RE: Funerals...I remember being told over and over of those who left the truth, and subsequently died..."few (if any) even attended their funeral." It was of concern to both ____ and me, when I was first excommunicated, WHO WOULD "HAVE" MY FUNERAL?...

Since then, we have concluded a funeral is for the living...to help them deal with and cope with grief over the loss of a loved one, friend or acquaintance... To tell of the individual's beliefs or to remind the living of either their or the departed's faith in a just and loving GOD, is one thing. Propagating a hidden agenda by any religious group, (whether exclusive or not) is quite another! I am ashamed now of ever having done so. 4/97

Permission to Post: I get just wild when I think of a 2x2 funeral. Growing up in the 2x2 way and 57 now I've been to lots of funerals and made and helped make lots of arrangements for them. I've always expressed my thoughts to the group also they [funerals] IMHO were the only other social time they have other than special meeting and convention. In our area funerals are big showy events and it's like ____ said the workers show glory to themselves as the poor homeless poor preachers. And boy they can have a gospel meeting. I've been to funerals were the (worldly people) were so angry how they [workers] preached that they would never think of going to a gospel meeting. When my uncle (by marriage) died the church people [friends] pushed into the family so they could be closer to the workers. Oh they came from all over to bury him, and he had an affair going on with a very decent girl who he used his power and authority to weaken. But lest I forget he had 2 sisters and a brother in the work. Here's another set of standards...AND THERE'S just one standard! When our child died only one of the church friends brought any food, didn't even come to see if there was anything they could do. BUT THE CHILD'S FRIENDS came to the house, brought food; cooked meals and asked what they could do. I told the worker afterwards that I would never do another thing for these people [friends] again. But I probably would have if someone needed it. Also my (worldly friends) they came and called and listened to our sorrow, they brought meals; they were there!! I'm thankful that we decided to have some other than the TOO GOOD FOR YOU WORKERS! BITTER? Yes!!! I feel another reason the friends make such a big deal of funerals a lot of them want to see the workers as so many of them stay at the most comfortable homes and many never see the workers. Also when my grandmother was in the nursing home for a long while very few came to visit her and she professed probably 50 some years, but her funeral was packed! When I was to have major surgery some months back my husband asked if I wanted to have a church funeral (he meant the workers) and I said NO!! FORTUNATELY IT WASN'T NECESSARY. I TOLD HIM SO THERE WOULDN'T BE THE BUNCH OF SELF RIGHTEOUS BUNCH OF HYPOCRITES FROM HERE to have a private funeral...Sorry workers but that's how it is in this part..You can post this if you like _____