I couldn't stay in and allow the Spirit to guide me.

When I was still going to meetings and trying to "work things out," I felt as if the Holy Spirit in me was like a jack in the box. Every time He popped up--I had to smash Him back down in the box again and snap the lid on it. My so-called "victories" rarely left me feeling great and victorious...but rather depressed and like I missed out on something good. I could not act on what I believed the Spirit was guiding me to do--because it would go against what the workers wanted, and then they would go against me. Circular!

Not trusting the Holy Spirit to do what they wanted done, the workers have became the Holy Spirit in skirts and trousers. The friends are not allowed to trust the Holy Spirit to guide them and their actions--but rather are encouraged to blindly trust the workers.

"Quench not the Holy Spirit." This must be important--but I couldn't obey this command! Not without going against the workers! The workers were not the same as the Spirit, but they seemed to think they were. Something wasn't right! Someone was in the wrong place.

I had studied and was utterly convinced that God never intended for women to do the things they were being forced to do. I could prove it! I was told I had a thorn in my flesh that I needed to deal with. In my last visit with Harry Brownlee, he invited me to come back to meetings,and I told him that I didn't feel the meetings were an environment where I could allow the Spirit to guide me. He asked me what I meant. I said, I feel I am detracting from Jesus by the way I must look. That I KNEW the way the women must appear actually KEPT PEOPLE from coming to meetings--I had several friends and relatives who personally told me that was the reason they didn't profess. That if I came to meetings appearing as I thought I should be able to that he would ask me not to speak.

He asked how I thought I should be able to look...I said like any respectable woman; modestly, with short hair, make-up, jewelry. (I generously left out "slacks"!) And then he said what I think he got in serious trouble for saying--that I was wrong; that he would NOT take way my part if I came to meeting like that and had bread. Amazing, huh? No, I never did...wish I had tho! I don't think Harry was going along with a trend. Harry is one of a kind, and often put his foot in his mouth. After the friends got wind of what he told me, he was soon whisked out of this state to Colorado, and then banished suddenly to South Africa. I hear he has just come back to Oregon last week.

It seems to me the workers just can't trust the Spirit. He just doesn't do things like they do or like they want them done. If the workers urged the friends to follow the Spirit--they would lose much of their power.

Now that Colorado is allowing the 2x2 divorcees to decide whether or not they will remarry, and whether or not they will take part, take the emblems, etc.--they're actually letting the Spirit personally guide individuals for a change!

If only they would allow this to be the deciding factor in other areas of the friend's lives also! Is it possible? feasible? 1/97

I dare say that the friends do not place too much emphasis on the leading of the Holy Spirit. They place too much emphasis on peer pressure and on the subtle ways of the workers preaching. (Sorry, don’t mean to generalize here - some actually do try to put forth the God of the Bible as best they can in the ministry they are in.) What the friends do is give too much credit to the Holy Spirit - undeservedly so - in my opinion. 1/97

I'm afraid I didn't have concrete thoughts on the Holy Spirit while professing. I never did quite grasp the concept. I had words, but only a vague meaning to go with it. In addition, I didn't have a clear picture of who God is, or what the Holy Spirit is, or Jesus for that matter.

It's only after being out that I have begun to understand what the Holy Spirit means to me. 1/97

Just as I had no idea that Jesus Christ is part of the Triune God I had no idea that the Holy Spirit is also part of the Triune God. He is the Comforter mentioned by Christ particularly in John 14. In the 26th verse Jesus said: "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, *he* shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you."

John chapter 16 tells us of the Holy Spirit’s work which includes convicting us of our sin of unbelief, indwelling us as soon as we accept Christ as our savior, and guiding us in our Christian walk.

He is NOT, as I believed when I professed, a force or a movement of "spirit." 1/97

When I was professing being "right before God" seemed to be such a chore. Now that I have accepted Jesus Christ as my only savior the Holy Spirit guides me. Loving and serving God is from my heart--no longer a chore. He (the Holy Spirit) comforts me and guides me each day. I now realize that God isn't grading me on my performance but He has provided the Holy Spirit to assist me in living a life that pleases HIm. Such a difference. No longer TRYING but TRUSTING in what God HAS DONE by Christ's death. I've accepted Christ's death and because I have the Holy Spirit is living and working in me.

I've been getting to know the Holy Spirit as God who lives inside me - He's my friend, He's my comforter, He's God and He's been speaking to me over the last several months, gently but persistently talking to me, encouraging me to put my trust in Him. He's given me a burden for my family, some who are still in the 2x2's and the discovery of all the books about the 2x2's is part of His plan to reach some of them. At the moment an uncle is reading Reflections This uncle left the meeting when I was in my teens but is still 'searching.' 2/97