I have a funny kid story too.  When my daughter was almost three, and we
were still in meeting, I had one of the most embarrassing moments ever.  She
was potty training , but I always had to wipe her.  She had to go during
meeting, so I let her go on back to the bathroom by herself.  It wasn't long
before the silence of meeting was broken by her yelling,
"Mommy, come wipe my butty!"
Boy, did I turn a few shades of red!
- Jeri Vanderford   8 January 2000

The workers had made it clear to me how much they disapproved of us having a TV but because my husband was not professing or even going to meeting there wasn't much they could do about it . On one occasion two sister workers were visiting us and my young son was quietly watching the movie " The Brave Little Toaster." As the older worker and I were talking she turned to the younger worker (who hadn't been in the work for even a year) to ask a question. Well, the younger worker was so engrossed in "The Brave Little Toaster" that she never even heard the older worker talk to her. Finally after asking a couple of times she thumped her on the leg to get her attention. I was having a hard time not laughing !! The look on the younger worker's face was one of shocked horror at being caught enjoying watching a cartoon !!! They left shortly after this. I wonder what was said in the car that night ! Linda Maseman 10/99

In a gospel meeting in Vermilion Alberta a few years ago a squirrel got in the room during proceedings and started making a racket at the back of the room much to the amusement or the children and the not so young children! This certainly disrupted the solemn atmosphere of that meeting! After meeting when we all were filing out shaking hands with the workers we heard one self-righteous old gentleman tell the workers "I enjoyed your sermon so much I never even noticed that squirrel back there!" :-) Ed Service 9/99

There are times when I could hardly suppress a "hoot" in meetings. Like the time when:

One of the _______ clan from Vancouver came to a Sunday morning meeting in Montreal. Being "enthusiastic" he was the first to give his testimony - and stood up to do so - everyone else gave their's sitting down, as is the custom in most of eastern Canada. He was a little embarrassed.

A few weeks later, the same man and his wife, was back for another meeting. He, again, was first to speak but this time he remained sitting - everyone else STOOD to give their little blurb - it was UNION Sunday and the custom is to stand on union Sunday. Later during the meeting he blurted out to his wife "I wish they would make up their minds!"

Or the time when: A visiting lady, Ms ______, at our meeting testified " When I was taking my bath last night I was enjoying singing that hymn "From Every Stain Made Clean"

Or: Another luminary said - When I was meditating - uh - to get some bread - uh - to put on the table - uh -in the meeting this morning - uh - I enjoyed reading the comics.............!!!!!!

Have an amusing day! Love and smiles,

Leigh and Claire Townsend Sept 12/99

One funny thing that I did hear one gentleman say in his testimony- & I know he probably said it differently than he meant to- was "I just hope I can be more SPIRITUALLY DEAD in future days" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cheri Mattison 7/99

I had taken my daughter (8), a son (6) and a son (4) to convention one year.I thought perhaps the 6 year old was too old to sleep in the "Ladies"quarters. So, I asked a friend of ours (my husband was not there) - if my son could stay in the men's barn with him. (I must have been nuts! How would a 6 year old boy feel sleeping in a barn with a bunch of strange men???) Anyway, in the morning my boy was taken to breakfast and allowed to eat 3 full bowls of prunes, because he "liked them so much"!

Later I noticed Tyson standing against the barn wall while all the other children were running around having fun. He would not come away from the wall. I guess I don't need to go into much detail here as to what was wrong! Poor kid! We spent most of the evening in the washroom!!

At McCordsville, IN convention maybe 6-8 years ago they were having a baptism. There was a guy getting baptized who wasn't raised in the group nor did he have any connection. Anyway he was a rather odd sort of young man probably in his 30s who undoubtedly would not have fit in well with most people. Anyway when the worker began to baptize this man, I'm not sure what happened or who lost their footing--but they were ALL over that pond before they got straightened up again. I think the baptizee did get fully immersed but the baptizor almost did as well. You know how VERY solemn baptisms were in the 2x2s--this one wasn't. Even the older workers were snickering & hiding their behind towels they hand out to those in the water!!!

Over 40 years ago, my family used to occasionally share rides to meeting with my Dad's partner's family. All eight adults & kids would go to Wed nite mtg in one car. One day, one of this man's kids left a slightly used lollipop on the driver's seat of his car & he did not notice it. It stuck to the seat of his pants when he went into the house for meeting. My mother & the lady of the house both saw it. Prayer was done kneeling at that time. All through prayer, both ladies would steal a look at this guy's fanny with the red lollipop dangling there. Both of them were literally splitting througout the whole meeting. I never did find out if someone let him know or just removed it after meeting.

Thought I would share a funny thing that happened at one gospel meeting...I just remembered it!

We had gospel meetings for awhile in a very small, old country opera house. It was an historical landmark, well over 100 years old. I loved it, myself, until the night when we began to discover quite a few mouse holes in the baseboards. One night when one of the two brother workers was speaking, one of the little furry guys decided to poke his head out to see what was going on. That mouse scurried back and forth, back and forth...BEHIND the speaking worker and his companion! The worker paused several times in his speaking to try to figure out what all the gasping, repulsion, and feet up off the floor was all about...but, he just kept on talking!! Finally, the companion worker saw the mouse...but didn't know quite what to do while the other guy just kept talking away. I guess he decided to just pray about it...because our little furry guy decided to go back home to his hole.......the 2x2's just weren't for him!!!!!

I think he was quite a smart little mouse, don't you??

A sister worker was speaking and a "worldly" kid outside must have thrown a very large rock at the side door near the platform. The "hit" was very loud and everyone seemed startled. The sister worker paused slightly but continued on as if nothing had happened. (Such CONTROL!!!)

One night at gospel meeting, the lights went out. It was absolutely black in the hall, couldn't even see your hand in front of your face. The strange thing was that the worker just continued to preach as if NOTHING had happened!!! No one said, "Oh it looks like we're having a little technical trouble" or "we should have lights in a minute or two" NOTHING was said about it! He just kept preaching and never missed a beat. After meeting, everyone was talking about how amazing it was...how the worker must have been so in tune with the spirit that he hardly noticed!!! I can't remember how long the lights were out, but it was a few minutes. When they came back on we were all still just sitting there intently listening to the worker as if nothing had happened! Is that STRANGE or what?!

In Calif, gospel mtgs are often held in union halls. Big rooms with tile floors. Apparently during one mtg an 'old' fella nodded off while the worker was preaching, only he ended up falling out of his chair into the isle! It made such a ruckus they had to end the mtg then!

The main speaker at convention was well under way. I believe he was talking about the wrath of God. All of a sudden, as if by perfect timing, a great THUNDER boomed outside! Talk about special effects!

Here is a rather amusing incident that happen when I was eighteen just after I professed. Arthur Bird was running a mission in Dublin on his own, in an old shop which was being renovated by one of the friends. I arrived early, together with by friend George and sat down on the end of a long seat like the ones used at convention.

Unfortunately there was dry rot in the floor and the seat went through the floor throwing both of us into the aisle. There were only a few of the friends present so there was a bit of a chuckle, while we picked ourselves up and positioned the leg over a joist, and sat down again.

Arthur Bird had not yet arrived so knew nothing of what had happened, but when the meeting started the first hymn we were asked to sing was "Jesus the very thought of Thee" which of course contains the words "To those who fall, how kind Thou art" which I felt was a rather unfortunate choice under the circumstances.

A young professing woman was in the habit of swaying or rocking as she gave her testimony. On one occasion her chair rubbed against the huge metal sculpture hanging back of her head on the wall. Without warning her chair lifted the wall sculpture and began to screech and rub all the way down the wall to the floor. She didn't know what was happening and everyone else in the room was trying to hold back their giggles. I was the closest to the wall hanging and was concerned that it would crash on the young speaker and myself. I attempted to hold it in place but it just screeched and slid its way down to the floor with a crash.

Since Willis Propp is very much in the news lately, here is my funny incident for the list. We attended a gospel meeting one time in Manly hall near Edmonton Alberta Canada and Willis Propp was the senior worker. Just as the meeting was starting the power went off and stayed off throughout the meeting. It was totally black in there so he got up and changed his subject completely and spoke a whole sermon on the BLACKNESS of DARKNESS. It was quite fitting but now I wish I could remember exactly what he said and try and determine how much he really knows about how to recognize darkness when we see it. Anyway it sounds like the light may be getting a bit brighter!! (and hotter) :-) 10/96

A kids eye view of black stockings. One year while we were back eastvisiting relatives, I noticed a picture of my grandmother, after looking at it for a while, I announced to everyone in the room that, hey! Grandma wears leotards like me! I didn't understand why all the adults thought it was so funny!

[Administrative foot note. In the "early days" the professing women had to wear black stockings--at least in America.]

I have an interesting story that some of you should enjoy regarding hair regulations for the truthers.

I never worried too much about wearing my hair in a bun, but when I started professing my father got upset when I went to the meeting with my hair down,so I started wearing it up like everyone else. Anyway, we had a young lady OUTSIDER start to attend Gospel meetings! After coming along for a few weeks, she had a few questions for the workers. She asked "Why does everyone wear their hair like that? Is it some sort of rule? Would I have to wear my hair like that?"

Well, as you all know, THERE ARE NO RULES in the 2x2s! But it sure looked like it. Problem! So, this worker went around and visited us other young ladies, and guess what! A NEW RULE came out! We HAD TO WEAR OUR HAIR DOWN to prove that there was no "rule" that we had to wear it up! So, we all obediently pulled down our hair for a few weeks! This girl stayed around for awhile, and then decided it was not for her. She quietly disappeared ,and all the hair quietly went back up into buns!

Just for the record, the worker who issued this temporary new rule was fairly unpopular with the other workers for a while, because he also invited this girl to convention (Sunday only) when she was NOT PROFESSING :-O. Poor thing turned up in her t-shirt and Jeans amidst all the Sunday Convention finery! Well, the workers had a real ABOMINATION on their hands :-). You can imagine how well she stuck out! They frantically ran around trying to find out who had brought this heathen onto convention grounds, and our worker quickly confessed. I hear that he got a dressing down for this "error" and indiscretion. [Admin. note: I wonder if this PUN was intended?]

I will never forget the great stir this caused. I still laugh whenever Ithink of it.

During convention meetings, my brother and I often had contests to see who could catch the first fly live in our hands. During one particularly dreary afternoon meeting, we took sticky candy from our mouths, rubbed it on the palms of our hands, and put the candy back in our mouths.Then we waited like Venus Fly Traps until an unsuspecting fly came down to sample our wares. CLAP! My brother Dan's hand snapped shut, creating a dark cage for the poor buzzing critter. Then, cruel, cruel world, right in the middle of the sermon called Safe in the Ark (just kidding, the rest of this story is true, I sware), Dan plucked the wings from the nasty insect.To suppressed screams of hysterical laughter--we somehow managed to remain silent but it made the whole bench bounce--we placed the wingless bug on the shoulder of the pious woman just in front of us. The poor flightless fly scurried hither and thither on her back with little fits and starts. When the fly went up and over her shoulder and started down the front side, we made the bench bounce all over again. So if you ever saw two misbehaving boys at convention and wondered to yourself, "WHO and WHERE are their parents?" Well, those boys were us--Dan and me. And my parents? They were sitting somewhere else, listening to the sermon and being proud of how grownup and well-behaved their boys were.

>>>We did the fly thing too!! Only we waited until they landed on our hymnbooks and then slammed them shut!!!<<<

During my first year in the work I went to convention in Manitoba and Saskatchewan. During preps I was helping out with the meal. I saw three brother workers sitting at a table across from where I was. I went over and sat across from them. While we were chatting one patted the bench next to him and said "Why don't you come and sit down and talk". I said, "That's okay, I'm fine here." We continued to talk. Then he said, "Come sit here so we can get to know one another better." To which I said "well, we can know one another from here too, right?" Then, my companion said, "Greg, that's the sister workers' side of the table." Duh! I didn't get it. There were hints, but I didn't get it. I didn't get the drift of what was being said. I didn't get the revelation.

I think we all remember as children "playing meeting". One person got to be the elder or worker, & others played the parts of saints. Usually we pretended to be someone or the other at meeting. One usually got to cry more than others when praying or giving a testimony, like someone they knew in their meeting. Anyway, two young boys we knew often substituted prune juice for the grape juice for their meeting. These boys went to meeting at a widow's home & one time she was out of grape juice & used prune juice. At the time this happened these boys were now teenagers & professing. They about burst out laughing when they tasted the prune juice! Also the meeting where I went as a very small child was at a widow's home. She was quite elderly & before she had to give up her home as she became quite senile. At a few of the last meetings in her home when the wine was passed, there was mold floating on top. People just tried to sip a bit on the otherside of the mold -- so guess it probably was close to being 'real wine''. 1/97

A Christian died and went to heaven. On arrival he was met by an angel 
who took him on a tour of Heaven. The first thing he saw was the 24 
elders casting down their crowns before the throne with praise and 
gladness, singing "Thou art worthy, thou art worthy." Thousands of 
angels made a joyful noise unto the Lord saying "Worthy is the Lamb 
that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, 
and glory, and blessing.

The Christian was shown an angel with a golden censor who was offering
incense to God with the prayers of all the saints. A wonderful sweet savor 
went up to mingle with the prayers. The angel filled the censor with fire 
and cast it to the earth and lo, Voices and thunderings, lightnings and an 
earthquake were on earth and the power of them was seen in heaven.

People were dancing and singing with all their might in praise of the Lord
as David did when the ark was brought back to Jerusalem with shouting 
and the sound of trumpets.

Music, loud music everywhere, played songs of praise to God. Those in
heaven were rejoicing in love because they had trusted in the redeeming 
power of Jesus.  Thousands of instruments, just like in the days when 
Solomon was made king, all made for offering praise to the living God. 
People washed each other's feet and thanked God for the opportunity to 
serve their neighbor.

After walking for a long time the Christian and the angel came to a little
side road leading off by itself, very secluded, very quiet, no noise, no 
praising God, no music for making a joyful noise unto the Lord, just a 
silence which was eerie.  Down the side road they went, walking quietly, 
not even speaking to each other, so overwhelming was the silence thereof. 
At the end of that road there was a compound which was curtained off by
heavy material to deaden any sound which might dare get within distance
of that area. Peeking inside they saw a group of people, neatly dressed, 
sitting quietly, silently rejoicing in their outward appearance and 
uniformity which they were sure was a wall of separation from evil. They
were enjoying none of the new and incredible things which all the other
Christians were sharing. These people were doing nothing for each other; 
they were just sitting there waiting for something to happen. Orderly.

In amazement the Christian asked "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE and 
what are they doing all alone in this area?" 

"SHH" said the angel, these are friends and workers. They think they are
the only ones saved so we have them here on their own.

You see said the angel these people have missed wonderful fellowship even
here in heaven because they would not listen or join in praise to God. They
have silently focused on their own appearance and uniformity. They have
failed to simply trust in the Blood of Jesus for Salvation. ~~~~

A man dies and goes to heaven.  He is met at the Pearly Gates by a 
Heavenly custodian.

The custodian says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to
make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give
you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was.
When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and
never cheated on her, even in my heart."

"That's wonderful," said the Custodian "that's worth three points!"

"Three points?" he said. "Well, I professed all my life; never missed a meeting!
And I supported the ministers financially and any other way I could."

"Terrific!" responded the Custodian.  "That's certainly worth two points." 

"Two points?!  I worked every year at the annual convention and in 
preparation for the convention for several days too; for years and years!" 

"Fantastic, that's good for two more points, " he said..

"Two points!" the man cried. "At this rate the only way I’ll get into heaven 
is by the grace of God."

"Bingo, 100 points! Come on in!"

There was once a community of people who believed that life in the 
world was very dangerous. In fact it was deadly. No one could 
survive unless they were willing to come into a specially constructed 
Bubble a man and a few of his friends had planned and built, roughly 
following the plans of a Bubble they once had been in, where 
everything was "safe" and where none would be contaminated by the 
deadly outside world.

Life inside the Bubble was intense and stressful. Days were filled 
with hard things to do and endure. There were dress and hair codes for 
the women and the men were robbed of their masculinity by the leaders.
The people were all under the surveillance of the leaders who said 
what to do and not to do in order to stay safe inside the Bubble. There 
were constant fearful reminders to everyone at frequent meetings which 
were deemed essential for everyone to attend. The people were told 
that life outside the Bubble would mean sure death! In fact, everyone 
was reminded from time to time by the builder of this bubble, and his 
subsequent leaders, that there were certain things that would result in 
a person being expelled from the Bubble. A small doorway was in the 
side of the Bubble through which anyone in violation of the rules would 
be shoved and left to DIE!

Now, a certain man was more bold than most and dared to ask the 
leaders how they knew for sure that life outside the Bubble was 
deadly. At first they ignored him and gave no answer, but, he was 
persistent and finally they said they considered him a troublesome 
person, who just wanted attention for himself. The leaders spread 
false stories about him. They said he was "bitter." They sternly 
warned him that if he kept up his questioning he could find himself 
on the outside someday; and then he could see for himself the truth 
of what they said. And of course, some of the leaders, especially the 
younger ones who were born inside the Bubble, believed everything 
that was taught.

Not to be easily put off, this certain man began to talk with others, 
in the Bubble, about his doubt concerning sure death outside the 
Bubble. He shared questions with them, which the leaders would not 
answer or to which they gave him only conflicting vague answers. The 
differing answers depended upon which leader he talked to in the 
various parts of the Bubble. Some of the Bubble people listened 
sympathetically. Some walked away in disgust and anger. Most 
disagreed with what he thought, for they were strong believers in 
everything their leaders taught them from their childhood. A few went 
directly to the leaders and reported what they had heard this certain 
man say. In fact, they embellished on his honest questions, hoping 
to be rid of such a trouble maker.

The leaders agreed among themselves that the time had come for 
action. On an appointed day everyone was called together and told 
that, due to the persistent and malcontent conduct of this certain man, 
he was going to be shoved out through the doorway. They washed their 
hands of all responsibility; made a weak attempt to get him to repent. 
When he maintained his integrity, and refused to follow their foolish rules, 
they hustled him to the doorway and shoved him out of the Bubble!

There was a great gasp. A few wept. But most just wagged their 
heads and clicked their tongues. Some stood transfixed watching to 
see how he would die outside the Bubble. They watched and they 
watched. What they witnessed became the source of a lot of trouble 
for many years to come.

The man's first reaction, thinking he was about to die, was to lay 
motionless and wait for death to come. But suddenly he took a 
deep breath and discovered the air outside was wonderfully fresh 
and had none of the artificial odor he had smelled inside the Bubble 
for years. The sky was bluer and the sun shone brighter. He stood 
and smiled back to the doorway through which he had been shoved 
and tried to open it. It was locked tightly. He began to motion to 
those still watching that it was better out than in. With an urgency he 
did everything he could think of to induce others to come out too, and 
to enjoy the wonderful life and safety he experienced outside the 
Bubble. Some thought a lot about this situation. Most only stood and 
stared.

At first no one could understand his gyrations. Soon, some did 
understand. They ran with haste to tell the leaders about what was 
transpiring at the doorway. When the leaders arrived, they were 
deeply mystified. As soon as they understood he had proven their 
teachings false the leaders became alarmed, then very angry. How 
dare he thwart their teaching and prove them false! How dare he put 
his doubts into their minds! He was jeopardizing their dominating 
leadership position. He was taking away the fear they had installed 
in "their" people for many years. Something had to be done! 

Quickly the leaders organized a work detail to have the walls of the 
Bubble painted black to a height of ten feet so that no one could see 
out and watch what the man was doing. The leaders told the people 
not to have anything to do with what he was trying to communicate. 
Most of the people were pleased to have their upsetting view blocked! 
However, some were very curious to see what was happening to the 
man. When they thought no one was watching they would mount a 
ladder and peer above the black barrier. They began to understand 
that what their leaders had told them was not true! The leaders were 
divided in what to do. They had many leaders' meetings and tried to 
come up with a believable story. Some wanted to tell the truth. An 
assortment of conflicting explanations were made. Most said nothing 
should be done to destroy their feeling of harmony and unity which, 
as they often told the people, existed in all parts of the Bubble. 
Many different and conflicting versions were told of how the Bubble 
originated. Though they often contradicted each other, one thing 
they agreed on, at first, was that those who were caught associating 
with any who looked out of the Bubble, or asked questions, were also 
to be shoved through the doorway.

Many who left the Bubble devised ways of communicating the truth to 
some of those inside, in spite of the leaders telling people not to 
listen to what any of those "bad" outside people were saying. The 
leaders told their people inside that everything they saw and read 
from those outside was a lie.

Then a most alarming thing began happening. Others decided to 
go through the doorway on their own! Now the situation was out of 
hand. The existence of life in the Bubble was in grave jeopardy, 
especially for the leaders, and those who had invested so much of 
their lives maintaining life in the Bubble which they had come to 
KNOW, was the only way to live.

As the numbers of people in the Bubble began to dwindle, the leaders 
and younger "leaders-in-waiting" were scurrying. They spent their 
time trying to convince people still in the Bubble that they were not 
to doubt that the Bubble had always been in existence and what they 
taught about "death" outside the Bubble was the absolute truth. This 
is what the people remaining in the Bubble wanted to hear.

Meanwhile, most of those "outside" the Bubble were enjoying happy, 
abundant lives in freedom from the former bondage to which they had 
become accustomed. Many of them even learned of a very special 
Man who arranged for them to live forever in paradise, if they would 
accept the marvelous gift He had made arrangement for. And many 
thankfully accepted His free eternal gift. ~~~