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My toddlers would just say "I hate meetings"---- But the candy on the table afterwards, was what made it bearable for them... Poor things,thought learning of God was Shutting your mouths, holding real still, and pigging out on candy afterwards..... 1 Feb 2000 Diane Chilton
The children and their 2x2 friends would sometimes play meeting. One memory I have is of a little girl standing up and saying, "I was thinking about, and I was thinking about..." She never said what she was thinking about but suddenly she stopped talking, grabbed up her doll baby and left the room to give her a sound spanking. Mostly they just sang in their make believe meetings, but just about everyone took a turn taking their doll babies out for a spanking. SM 9/99
ATTENDING MEETING--I felt growing up was rather a drag. Our meeting consisted of elderly people & though very nice and good-hearted people, there wasn't much attraction for a kid. I was the youngest there with the exception of a boy a couple of years younger but his family quit going to meeting when I was about 10 or 12. The only excitement was when someone was visiting. Generally it just meant sitting still & keeping quiet. Sometimes the older people would pronounce words or names really different & we'd get the giggles but stern looks from parents usually quieted those right away.
ATTENDING CONVENTION--was a big highlight for us because we got to see a lot of people & it was THE big social occasion of the year. Sometimes though, if you didn't have a close friend, it could be lonely there. I REALLY got tired sitting in the meeting & I never felt like I got anything there. It was usually a time when younger kids slept (& sometimes the older ones too!)
GOING TO SCHOOL--I went to a very small, country school in southern Indiana.I used to look around & try to figure out if anyone else went to meeting. (I don't know why it never occurred to me that I'd be attending the same meeting!!) If another girl had long hair, I'd really wonder. I never wanted ANYONE to know what church my parents attended & pretty much changed the subject when it came up. Of course it was the norm for you to state to the class & your teacher your religious preference. I always said Protestant (when I learned that word!) or non-denominational. I didn't want people to know that my hair was long because of church rules, or that other things I did or didn't do was because of religious reasons.
SPORTS AT SCHOOL--as stated above it was such a small school & I never really was involved in much. But in reality there wasn't a lot to be involved with in grade school. High school was at a much larger school.
PROFESSING PEOPLE’S KIDS AS FRIENDS--there just weren't any professing kids my age around. The only time I'd see them was at Winter Spec. Mtgs., Spring Spec. Mtgs. or Convention. When I got in high school, I had a coupleof girls I was close friends with & wrote letters to some others.
FAMILY GET-TOGETHERS OR REUNIONS--we didn't have an organized reunion like we do now but family would visit us & stay the weekend. I think families did more together years ago. My children hardly know their cousins now but the closest ones are 4 hrs. away.
PROFESSING RELATIVES--most of our relatives professed. I felt like a lot of my cousins who professed were pretty much doing it so they could have more freedom from their parents. It didn't seem to be a sincere thing. Lots of my cousins were from big cities (of course anywhere was a bigger town than where we lived!) They really were almost juvenile delinquents. They would pull pranks on people & their automobiles, etc. but it could have meant legal problems had they been caught. To my knowledge, none were caught but they really committed some criminal acts.
NON-PROFESSING RELATIVES--we didn't have a lot of them but it was fun to go to their house because they had TV to watch. I remember my cousin's family wasn't professing when we were both about 5 & she let me wear her bracelet. I thought that was pretty wonderful but my Mom said that was what Pharisees did. I thought it was Fairysees--so it still didn't sound bad to me even though Mom seemed to imply it wasn't a good thing! (Fairies were pretty little girls in beautiful clothes to me AND they usually had a magic wand!!)
OUTSIDER FRIENDS--I don't remember a lot about too many. Mostly it would have been people my parents used to work for years before.
OUTSIDER NEIGHBORS--we had lots of these. I went to a few of these people's homes to play with their kids & they'd visit me too, but we didn't do that often. I sure never felt these people were bad or evil.
COMMUNITY/TOWN--as stated before very small town. A place to buy our groceries mostly.
COMMUNITY ASSOCIATION FUNCTIONS--my parents were farmers but about the only thing they were involved in was Farm Bureau. At that time, very low key but later my Dad became president of the local one. Friends/workers weren't thrilled with his participation.
VIEWING MY PARENTS--they were very hard-working. I respected my parents & still do but went through the normal rebellion stages though not as severe as many do.
VIEWING THE WORKERS--again I respected most of them. I knew some to be harsher than others. I never professed until I was 15 & I think I shocked most of them when I did because I had a mind of my own up till that time. I don't think anyone including my parents suspected that professing was on my mind & I shocked them all when I stood up at convention. They were all pretty nice to me during my growing-up years. I knew that wasn't the case with some teens I knew, but it was with me.
SIBLINGS--I have a brother & sister who are twins who are 7 years older than I & a sister who is 8 years older than I am. I grew up rather lonely because in addition to being in the country--there were a lot of years between me & the other kids in my family. My one sister professed (the twin) a couple of times when she was growing up. I knew it was hard for her. Also she worked for a veterinarian & wore slacks because she assisted in holding horses and cows for examinations, surgery, etc. An older brother worker reproved her about that and she felt someone who went to meeting had seen her in slacks & told this worker. The brother worker suggested she just get another job!!
CLUBS LIKE BROWNIES & CUBS--I wasn't in them but I can't remember other kids in school being in them either. We had 4-H but I didn't get to be in that either. It wasn't probably as much a religious thing as an economic & time thing. My parents didn't have money for extra things or the time to run me back & forth to the functions.
PIANO LESSONS, SWIMMING LESSONS ETC.--pretty much the same as above. However my sister who is a twin, dated a musician & took piano lessons from him after she was out of school & working. I got to go along to the lessons & learned that way. (By the way, I play piano now & she doesn't!!)
CHRISTMAS/EASTER--we always had some celebration. We had a few gifts & candy at Easter time. We didn't celebrate it as a religious holiday or anything. Holidays--usually just a time for family & friends to get together.
TV/MOVIES/BOWLING--well when I was in 6th grade, my brother got a TV . When he left home, he left the TV with us. (He'd gotten a bigger one by then.) My Dad stopped going to meetings for a few years about this time. We never went to movies & I was married when I went to the first one. (I just knew the theatre was going to burn down & I'd die in it & then everyone would know where I'd been!) Bowling--we did in gym class in high school. It was very frowned upon but I never could understand the reason why it was.
DATING AS A TEEN--not done very much at all. I'd rather not incriminate myself too much here either--my kids might read this!! <grin>
LEARNING TO DRIVE--started with a John Deere tractor on the farm at age 4!! Driving a car at 16 wasn't as hard as driving a big farm truck or backing a manure spreader behind a tractor into the barn.
PEER PRESSURE--I started to say that wasn't too bad but I can tell my memory was in neutral. It was AWFUL!! When I was in high school it was the days of the mini skirts. My skirts weren't anywhere as short as most of the girls but they weren't halfway between my knee & ankle like some of the professing girls either!! It was a no-win situation. At school I was made fun of because my dresses were so long, at meeting I was criticized because my dresses were too short. I just know what a terribly depressing thing it was to try to buy a dress!! I'd let the hem out as much as I could but still have to pull & tug on it at meeting!! I forgot (& how COULD I) that I did get reproached about my short dresses during these teen years.
ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES--that really wasn't a problem for me. I knew there were drugs around but I was pretty far removed from that scene. I also abhorred the use of drugs because of term papers I did on that topic & some of the things I read.
Most of the beginning of this was about how it was as a child but seems it ended as a teenager. I don't feel my parents were as strict as many in some areas. Also the fact that I grew up 'out in the sticks' made my life much more sheltered than many others were. That wasn't necessarily a religious thing but more a geographical & economic one.
I remember friends and workers making the statement many times that children of "false churches" don't ever "play church" as the children of the friends play "meeting". The meaning behind this was that it was another proof of the rightness of it, etc.
Our girls are 6 and going on 8 now, but in the last 2 years they have never played meeting again, nor do they play church. ...but now we have these incredible dialogues about scripture, God, doctrine, theology, missions, discipleship, and on and on!!!! It is so exciting for me as Mother/teacher to communicate the real essence instead of watching them mimic a system. They have cousins still in (the way) who play meeting regularly, complete with lots of spanking of dolls and monotone testimonies/prayers, the correct shame-based body language...the works! I am so thankful that we can offer ours so much more!
Attending meeting - bored out! Learned to "space out" and fabricate daydreams. I had a hard time breaking this after I professed. Would lose track of how many had spoken--which I needed to know so I could figure how long til I HAD to speak my piece...and come down from the more pleasant and entertaining daydream. Couldn't wait til I had a baby that I could take out and stay out of meeting with! And wouldn't you know it? Both my babies were good, and rarely needed taking out! ____ and I were the only kids in our meeting...until a family with 5 boys moved there. All younger than me, of course!
Attending convention - high point of the year. The one time we were with peers who REALLY understood us, and we fit in. The once-a-year time to meet guys it was legitimate for us to associate with and form relationships that might have a future. A time to see friends we saw 1-2 times a year who lived far away. My kids enjoyed the same in going to church camp.
Going to school - hated high school. Daydreamed I was walking down graduation aisle MANY time--to keep from crying. Thought it would be the most cruelest thing if I were to die right after high school--after putting in all that effort, and enduring it as a misfit...at least let me LIVE some afterwards when the pressure was off--please God!
Sports at school - was going to have to take gymn in a dress. But found a way out - worked in the school cafeteria from 7th grade to 12th and they gave me a grade for gym (although I didn't take it)--they had to have some girls serve food.
My mom allowed me to participate in learning square dancing when I was in 4th grade, but told me not to talk about it to meeting people. I'm thankful to her that I didn't have to sit it out alone, as some have had to do--to be an example!
Community sports - not any in the country!
Professing people's kids as your friends - thought no one else could truly understand me, except them. I had friends at school also, but not very close ones. Never was taught not to have "outside" friends. THANKFUL for this too!
Family get-togethers or reunions: On both my parents sides--most relatives were professing. Reunions were once a year for both. Still have one on my Dad's side every year. Pleasant. Invited workers to Saturday night supper...which put a damper on things for me!
Viewed my parents - as far too restrictive. Wanted me to be the ideal "example" to the other girls in _______. NO WAY! I was born a rebel--mom says. I have thought many times concerning my rebellious behavior that I wouldn't be able to bear it if my daughter treated me as I did my mother in my teenage years. Not having the senseless restrictions I did. _____ and I have always gotten along well. Those miserable restrictions are responsible for many miserable teenage years for both parents and kids. Sad!
Viewed the workers - as dull, with no sense of humor, boring, wouldn't get close to any (got hurt bad by a couple when I was 10-12). I regret it now, but I really scorned them. However, that turned out to be ablessing--it saved me from idolizing them, as some do as a child. I remember a worker arriving at our home (conv ground home) in a car with an antenna. He had taped up the antenna with white tape all the way up and down it —toshow PLAINLY that HE wasn't using the radio and what he thought of it! ("Thank God, I am not as other men...."etc.) I was sorely disgusted as a teen--and now too! Sickening! Dunno who was driving the car tho.
Siblings - 1 brother, 4-1/2 years younger than me...totally interested in different things. We lived in two different worlds...he toed the party line and I fought it!
Clubs like Brownies and Cubs - not allowed to be in them. Didn't realize it was a religious-thing--thought it was a mama-thing!
Took both piano lessons and swimming lessons. Still can't swim -flunked 3 times.
Christmas/Easter - gave gifts, had egg hunts. I never knew any friends didn't "do" Xmas until I met my husband, and his family. I was shocked!
TV/movies/bowling/skating - all no-nos. Used to watch TV at neighbor'shouse before we moved to the country. And as for radios and stereos. We weren't allowed those either. I got a radio after I was working (installment plan - paid $ 7.00 a week!) and it did not set well with Mom when she eventually discovered it. I went to work in a dimestore where they played the popular station on the radio, and that is where I first heard the popular songs--1964 on. "DownTown""Help Me Rhonda," "Hang on Sloopy," "Green Beret"
Dating as a teen - in our generation, one "wrote" to a boy one met at convention. A boy didn't get your phone no--he asked for your address."Did he get your address?!!" The girls would ask you. My first letters were exchanged with a professing boy when I was 13. There were only 2professing guys older than me in our whole state and they left 2x2s as teenagers. It seemed most all the professing kids moved away from MS--and I couldn't wait to get away too! I met my husband at a Texas convention when I was barely 17. MS/AL workers totally ignored boy-girl relationships. Said conv. wasn't a place for courtship--yet expected you, IF/WHEN you married, to be CERTAIN to marry an insider! There wasa conspiracy of silence in MS/AL that wasn't found in Texas, where workers teased the kids about their current boy/girlfriends. I couldn'tfigure it out for years. Believe it has to do with workers wanting everyone to go in the work...so they discourage relationships from forming, and ignore them.
One of my professing friends married an outsider and wasn't allowed to take part. That was the first and only time I ever saw that happen.
Learning to drive - nothing unusual - took drivers ed at school.
Illegal substances - drugs were unheard of. MS was a dry state, soalcohol was hard to obtain--"worldly" people were pretty puritan-like. Had to drive 50 miles to LA to get any liquor. MS was voted wet after I graduated.
In short, what was it like to grow up in a professing home? Read my story in REFLECTIONS. Mine wasn't just a regular professing home--it was the home on the Mississippi CONVENTION grounds...HOLY GROUNDS!
Lots of friends traveling would just stop by to see the (shrine) grounds--company all the time in the summer. People who would come from afar to visit certain workers (often their relatives) would stay with us a few days--endless cooking and getting ready for company for my mom and me. We ran a perpetual hotel. And some of the folks were soooooo boring! Spent boring time after meals at the table, etc. etc. counting the minutes til we could escape upstairs to our rooms and books we were reading. Lived vicariously through books. Occasionally the people would have children, which were welcome.
As long as I can remember, we had meeting at our home in California.When we moved from CA to MS, we had convention, but not meeting. Eventually tho, after I left home, the meeting was placed there also.
I had a "normal" childhood until I was in 7th grade. Couldn't wear my hair down anymore, had to grow out my bangs, couldn't (wouldn't) take gym in a dress. Suddenly I felt "different."
Problem was I knew the difference in how they did things differently in Texas (where my Dad was from, and relatives lived), California and in Mississippi & Alabama. I couldn't wear my hair down in MS--but I knew I would have been able to had we stayed in Calif...yet its the same, etc. This does not cut the mustard with a teenager, I can tell you! My Texas and Louisiana cousins wore their hair down--but I couldn't--across the state line in MS?? I did wear make-up tho. Mom always had trimmed my hair, and kept it a manageable length. Once I cut it very short for long hair (on return trip from California!) but didn't do me any good--my parents wouldn't let me wear it down. Or get permanents either. Going to a beauty shop was considered a sin. I never got a good reason for that taboo tho! I never heard of ANYONE who thought hair should be uncut--until I was 25 when a couple (friends) moved to Dallas where we were living, from South Dakota, and that was how she was raised. I was shocked!
After it's all said and done tho, I feel I received the two most important things a child can be given by parents. And they have nothing to do with "the truth." Our parents (1) loved us and we knew it, and (2) they gave my brother and I confidence in ourselves and our abilities. Being blessed with these two gifts beyond price have enabled me to be happy and attempt much. I've known many people who did not receive one or the other and are miserable and crippled as adults.
____--you messed up! Should have asked what we did on the rare/few dates we did get to have--since everything one usually does on dates was outlawed!! No skating, dancing, movies, bowling, drag races--what's left?
I'll never tell...
A Two by Two childhood is more frustrating for an adolescent in the 1980's and 90's than anytime earlier. The children are with worldly companions and teachers seven hours a day and are constantly bombarded with all the rationalizations and temptations to indulge the flesh. The church and their parents give them all the laws to say "no" but none of the power or logical understanding of the scripture to help them say no. And, they are not given any wholesome Christain activities to replace worldly entertainment or pleasure. Furthermore, Two by Two children are not taught to use their time in godly pursuits of in-depth Bible study, charitable activities, Christian music nor witnessing to others.
What often happens is that the children learn to live two lives. This is more common if parents are particularly strict (or abusive). The children behave in one way at school and differently with parents and church. This duality of character is very destructive. I don't believe this is a hypocritical mechanism as much as it is a survival instinct. The pressure that the children receive in both places is overwhelming and this is the only way the can handle it.
The sheltering done in the WAY captivates the minds of the children rather than simply protecting them from evil. This is not a conscious thing, it just happens, since the parents are living with blinders on to all that is going on around them.
Small children are conditioned at an early age to refrain from any behavior that deviates from the acceptable attitudes within the church. When little girls dance around the house singing happily or little boys boast or swagger they are either ignored, frowned at or scolded for worldliness, pride, or showing off. They learn early that they are NOT to attract attention to themselves. Some children accept this attitude without question but others who need more attention find this treatment very frustrating. I believe it creates a feeling of not being accepted and loved for many children.
Any occasion that conflicts with meeting is expected to be disregarded. Therefore, athletic events, graduations or music recitals are not participated in, if they happen to coincide with a meeting day, such as Wednesday night Bible study or gospel meetings where are sometimes three times a week.
The most hearty parents tend to isolate their children from outsiders. Many parents refuse to let their children play with unprofessing children or allow them to participate in extracurricular activities after school. Some don't allow school or neighbor children to come into their homes. This policy usually has very negative results for the sheltered children. Not all parents take this approach, but it is common.
It would be a mistake to generalize the kind of parenting done in this group. Although, it could be said that conditional love is the norm. Two by Twos perceive God's love as being conditional. In other words, He doesn't love anyone unless they are faithful to the Two by Two legalism. Therefore, the parents show their love and approval as long as the children conform to the Two by Two church rules. Some parents are able to give their love unconditionally but they usually feel pressure form the church to manipulate their children's decisions, appearance and attitudes.
First maybe a little background... to this day I can't figure out how much of my upbringing has to do with being a 2x2, and how much has to do with being born into a family of proud, stubborn, individualistic Scotsmen.
Also like many 2x2 family's there is a lot of depression going on which was exacerbated by the fact that when I was five my 18 year-old brother was killed in a car accident and one of my parents first grandchildren died as an infant a couple years later. But here goes. . . .
As a child I think I wanted to conform more than anything else, so while I was obedient, tried to "get something" out of meeting, and pretty much played by the rules (or felt guilty about breaking them) but more on that later. On the other hand attending school, I think I was ashamed that I was different. I solved the problem by clamming up. IE: "Did you see "Mork from Ork last night Bob?" I’d answer: "No I missed it." or "Has your family set up your Xmas tree?" I’d say: "No." And then I would change the subject. Because I'm male I didn't look that much different so I didn't ever have to directly address the issue (until much later.) But I wasn't considered friendly either. Since I was smart (I wasn't ever discouraged from reading) I became the class "Brain" not teased but not included.
As for Professing friends; its not easy to turn on and off the personality one has developed, so I didn't do that well there either. I remember almost dreading conventions in my mid-teens because while by that time I was VERY interested in girls, I had let my social skills fall far behind. I got no addresses, no phone numbers, and no dates. Some of the rest of you probably know how cliquey conventions (at least Olympia) can be, and I don't remember enjoying them much.
When I was 16 my family moved to South Dakota and things changed. We lived in a small town and 2x2's were known and understood sort of. That was bad at first. (The school bully found out that to somebody in denial forcing an issue can result in violent reactions) but it was better than pretending. I started to catch up socially and began dating. (more on that later)
About parents: I did and do respect my parents. I think they honestly believe(d)in it. But they felt it was a very individual choice so I don't feel like I was pressured by them. Also, as 2x2's go, we were fairly liberal. I participated in sports and activities in school (the one exception was I was ordered to skip district track finals as a senior for a special meeting but since it was in our home I sorta understood that one). I even went to my Prom (though I heard cautionary tales). My older somewhat rebellious teenage brother also snuck me to movies and bowling a few times. (Bowling was considered evil for some reason.) Also by the time I came along at least in Tacoma, Roller Skating was fairly acceptable. The workers may have not been told but I remember a couple occasions when groups of friends’ kids went skating. So was music (though my father complained about rock'n roll), but best of all my parents didn't throw fits about my dating non-professing girls which I started doing in high school. All of my older siblings did too though the girls may have been discouraged a little more, and they all eventually married within the faith so I guess my parents thought I would too, but I found I was more comfortable with non-professing girls. It wasn't because I was fast or anything; it was just that I think that ideas are even less encouraged for 2x2 girls than for boys, and to me the most attractive girls were the ones who were passionately interested in learning (about any topic). That is not encouraged AT ALL [in the way.]
Anyway all in all my parents did a good job. They raised me to make up my own mind and showed me by example that it was OK to not do what every oneelse did. Its kind of ironic that that example actually made it much easier for me to leave!
As for workers, I always respected them and still do. (I think that they are sincere but misguided) and I can only remember a couple of bad experiences. One sister worker took me to task about sports, and another REALLY took me on because she did not approve of the way I attempted to reconcile the evolution taught in my high school biology class with my religious beliefs. I remember a sister worker getting her ears pinned back for casually mentioning that as a girl she had gone to basketball games. I also remember being scared to death of Dan Hilton and Everett Swanson (not sure why) but I liked most of the workers. The most sour experience I had was that when I left (at 19) NO ONE ever even asked me why or what was up. I think for us that are born into it the assumption is that its "take it or leave it" as opposed to how babes might be treated?????
Whoaa...I apologize for the long post but I've been carrying this stuff around for many years. How does my experience compare to everyone else’s? ? ?
Attending meeting - We accepted it as a fact of life. I don't remember what people/workers said. When aged about 5 or 6 ( I'm the oldest my next brother is one year younger) people knelt at prayers (Sunday a.m.) For some reason our parents hadn't told us children to kneel and a worker who was there told us to kneel. I remember being embarrassed but from that day on we knelt. I don't know what my parents thought!! As I became older, in my teens, I started to feel very claustrophobic in meetings but didn't see a way out or realised I needed help.
Attending convention - Really looked forward to it, a big social occasion, busy sewing dresses to have a different one each day, looked forward to seeing friends, eyeing the boys. Enjoyed serving at the tables. Loved the food. I had a couple of friends but - it was like you had a different existence outside the meeting. I've already relayed the story of wearing trousers to the loo one night and being followed back to the tent by 2 workers - must have been older then. I think during pre teen years Dad and a few others sang some hymns as an item after a meeting but that didn't carry on. I remember straw mattresses! And walking down a long drive with boys following at a discrete distance. Nearly forgot to mention the most important bit - the meeting itself! I only gave a testimony once. We spent our time writing notes to each other. I must have been allowed to sit by a girlfriend at some stage. We wrote all the things we couldn't do like not being allowed to wear beattle boots or mini skirts. My parents found the notebook and were horrified. Very spiritual !!!
Going to school - I felt as if I didn't fit in but I didn't know why. I had a group of friends but hardly mixed with them out of school. I went to a school with a 100 pupils. I went to someone’s 11th birthday party - actually the only non meeting place I remember going to (I've just realised this!) til I was about 14/15. I remember the dental nurse asked what church I went to. Felt embarrassed. Was allowed to be in the choir and school orchestra and school concerts. Didn't feel different because of my hair though - I was allowed it out sometimes. Our parents wanted us to do well at school and have good jobs, both girls and boys.
Sports at school - don't know, not sporty. Was allowed to wear rompers (sort of shorts) for Phys ed.
Community sports - Was allowed to play tennis on Saturday am at the club nearby aged14/15 which meant wearing a short skirt.
Professing people's kids as your friends - I had one or 2 friends but only saw them on Sunday lunch or tea and some holidays with a family who had kids of similar ages but we never initiated any contact ourselves.
Family get-togethers or reunions - can't remember any with 2x2's but yes with mum's relatives who aren't 2x2's. Even though Dad and his brothers were all professing and in the same city! Maybe picnics when quite young. There was a picnic once a year for all the ‘friends' which we looked forward to. Running races etc. but we thought babyish by teen years.
Professing relatives - Dad and his 3 brothers and some cousins and my grandmother (deceased now). My uncle, who we used to see most of, left the meeting when I was about 12 and we didn't see them for years.
Non-professing relatives - Mother’s relatives not professing.
"Outsider" friends - None that I can think of. I think my younger brothers and sisters were allowed more friends and visits to each other’s place. But it could have been because I spent til age11 in a small country school.
"Outsider" neighbours - I remember staying the night at a neighbour’s place, perhaps Mum was having a baby? But don't think we had social visits. No one my age lived close by.
Community/town - Small primary school had 100 pupils. A grocery store, pub and a few other shops.
Community association functions - None while I was young but father was on school committees for younger siblings.
Viewing my parents - Now I can see they did the best they knew. It reallywasn't til the teen years that I thought they were too strict. But I would havebeen really ill equipped to have gone to any social things. Our Form teacherinvited the class to her place on a Saturday but I wasn't allowed to go - aged 15.
Viewing the workers - Viewed them as unapproachable, people my parents knew, really shy of them, too scared to talk to them but that was also my view of adults too. Embarrassed to be associated with them - they wore such long old fashioned dresses.
Siblings - oldest of 7, none professing, not close to any.
Clubs like Brownies and Cubs - subject never came up for me . A younger brother went to cubs for a while and even on a camp.
Piano lessons, swimming lessons, etc. - learnt piano privately and cello at school. Sister wasn't allowed to learn ballet, but music was acceptable.
Christmas/Easter - Celebrated but not as Christian. Had tree/ presents /fatherChristmas. Easter eggs. Probably mother’s influence as she's not from a professing family! We saw mothers relatives most Christmas's. Now I realise we never had Christmas with anyone in the 2x2's so don't know what they did.
Holidays - went caravaning/camping with another professing family and at Christmas usually with mother’s relatives. Fun times. None of us have carried on any friendship outside the holidays.
TV/movies/bowling - liked staying at our cousin’s as they had TV and while there saw my first film - Jane Eyre (loved it - must have been at least 16.) Was‘allowed’ to go ice skating with other ‘friends’ but I was about 19 or 20 then, I think, and I'm sure Hearty ones didn't go as of course you had to wear trousers. Maybe our group were the unprofessing ones! Also went skiing a few times.
Dating as a teen - had someone, a 2x2 ask me out via his sister. My parents let me go to the fair but really I would have preferred them to have not let me - was about 16 I think.
Learning to drive - Had driving lessons when 20.
Peer pressure - can't remember. I think I lived in a world of books. Funnily enough I felt pressured from a friend who also belonged to the true church <grin> ( not 2x2's) and I couldn't stand up for myself and felt guilty when she asked me had I put the hem of my dress up. (I had, but denied it. - I'd put tucks inthe shoulders of the pinafore - it makes me laugh now.)
Illegal substances - knew nothing about it (high school 1967- 1970)
[PS This 'true' church that my friend belonged to, has, a few years ago, acknowledged to other Christian Ministers that they were wrong and now have fellowship with other Christians . Praise the Lord!! They looked like hearty 2x2's. I saw this friend and she had short hair but there was a lot of trauma for the people that they had to work through; but can you imagine the2x2's saying this? Wouldn't it be an amazing miracle?]
Attending meeting - Just a fact of life, spent most of the time observing details, clothes, hair.
Attending convention - Pretty lonely for the most part. The "in" girls had the best jobs locked up. I always felt I had nothing in common with most.
Going to school - Loved it! I was very active in school. About 5th grade my parents let us wear pants to school. We also could wear our hair down. Our High school had about 600 kids in it. I was in plays, speech competitions, and leadership positions.
Sports at school - I was not a sports person, but my 4 brothers and sisters were. Community sports - not available.
Professing people's kids as your friends - None until about 14 and then it was boys interested in my sister mainly. Some of the young friends in our area were not the best. Oh, they came to meeting and said all the right things, but there were drugs and parties too. I am forever grateful to my folks who outright said to us, professing does not mean you may be friends with them.
Family get-togethers or reunions - My mother’s family never professed and my father’s mother professed only a short time. We spent a great deal of time and most vacations with these loving people.
Professing relatives - My grandmother for a short while. My uncle ______ who is one this list.
"Outsider" friends - Basically all my friends were "outsiders". I never brought any of them to meeting!
"Outsider" neighbors - Very few as we lived in the country.
Community/town - Only involved through school functions.
Community association functions - My folks were not involved in any. After I was married, and kids were in school, I was elected to the school board.
Viewing my parents - Good, hard-working people who made sure I had a good education, taught me to think, and ask questions. I always knew I was loved.
Viewing the workers - My parents professed when I was 7. I remember seeing the workers a lot then ext five years. I remember being taken around by the brother worker and introduced to people. I also remember him sitting with us a lot. When I was in high school and in a play, I remember a sister worker telling my mom it was better I get this acting thing out of my system now.
Siblings - 2 brothers and 2 sisters.
Clubs like Brownies and Cubs - None in the country.
Piano lessons, swimming lessons, etc. - Piano lessons yes! Didn't all good professing people have piano lessons?! Not only did I have swimming lessons, I taught swimming lessons while going to school.
Christmas/Easter - Did not celebrate! None in this area did. I was shocked when I went away to school and found others celebrated with presents and some even a tree!
TV/movies/bowling - We did not have a TV, but lots of relatives did. No movies. Bowling was OK
Dating as a teen - Not very much. Went ice skating on one date. Another to the state fair--He's now aworker! Flying with my husband.
Learning to drive - Drove tractors and farm pick-ups from 12 on--got my license on my 16th birthday.
In short, what was it like to grow up in a professing home? - I always felt we led two lives. One with the friends, one around town. By the way, my husband’s family life was very different than mine. No sports, Sunday morning meeting at their house and lots of company. 3/97
Attending meeting: Just something that had to be done. Neither something I looked forward to or dreaded except when I was in Jr. High we had union mtgs. in our home and the neighbor girls would sit upstairs in their window and watch. That was embarrassing as they were my age.
Attending conventions: Just like meetings. Something I had to do neither liking or dreading.
Going to school: basically no real traumatic problems. Being a boy I didn't have the noticeable restrictions the girls faced.
Sports at school: I was very active in this as well as community sports. My parents knew how I loved sports and never held me back. I started in Little League baseball and played several sports in Jr. High and High School plus one year of small college basketball. I later became a JV basketball coach in high school for 2 years before getting out of education. In high school one worker played a lot of basketball with me. If the workers objected to my sports they never told me but might of said something to my parents who possibly stood behind me.
Outsider friends and neighbors: Not a problem. That's who most of my friends were as there was no one else my age professing in the small Oregon coastal towns I grew up in. My parents were good neighbors with all our neighbors and I never heard them talk badly of those neighbors because they were "outsiders". Only one exception but that family was not acceptable to most others either.
Viewing parents: I will be eternally grateful for my parents. They were/are (dad passed away but mom is still alive) very loving, caring, kind human beings. They did not force the "truth" down my throat but let me make most of my own choices. Because I loved them and feared going to hell if I made the wrong choices, most choices kept me from things such as dances and movies.
Viewing workers: When very young I really enjoyed most of them but as I grew older and professed at age 12 I came to feel very uncomfortable around them. I believed they were perfect and judgmental so the further away from them the better it was. There were a few exceptions though if they wanted to play basketball etc.
Siblings: I have one brother 9 1/2 years older than me so our relationship wasn't confrontational. He looked after me and cared for me a lot. We had a good relationship. He is still "in" and an elder with meetings in his home but we are still good friends.
Clubs: I joined the Cub Scouts and only lasted 2-3 weeks and got kicked out. I was too independent and this organization did not appreciate my involvement. I don't remember getting in serious trouble for this from my parents, however.
Christmas/Easter: We always celebrated both but never in the way normal Christians did. We did have a tree and early in my childhood had lights on the house. Then in about 1959-1960 that came to a halt. A worker must have put a stop to it. I can remember in the 50's having workers at our house at Christmas and we exchanged gifts with them and it was no big deal. Even had the gifts under the tree. We had Easter Egg hunts and an Easter basket when I was growing up.
TV/movies/bowling: When I was little hardly anyone had t.v. As I grew older more neighbors got them and I'd go there with my parents knowing what I was doing. Then my dad won a t.v. and we had it hid and occasionally we would watch it but with no antennae it was really bad. As a little kid we listened to many popular radio programs on the radio: Jack Benny, Amos and Andy, The Lone Ranger, etc. Bowling was something I did a lot of in high school.
Dating as a teen: Pretty lousy. Basically it was bowling, going to the beach, going out for eats after ball games, swimming, etc. I didn't go to any dances or movies in high school which was a frequently asked question to "why not?" . I got asked a lot about these things but since I was so active in athletics and other school functions they didn't make a big deal about it.
Illegal Substances: Nothing my friends or I ever partook in or really had a desire to try. Really a non factor for me.
What's the name of your church? I would simply tell them non-denominational and move onto the next topic. I was always embarrassed but that was self imposed.
In short, what was it like growing up in a professing home? RESTRICTED but not in a dictatorial way. EMBARRASSING at times because we were so different from others but as stated above, that was selfimposed and I wasn't teased or harassed about it. FEARFUL of disappointing my parents from wrong choices and FEARFUL of going to hell when I sinned. This to me was the worst part of my childhood: the fear. 3/97
Attending meetings: Boring, as a little kid. Stressful, once I started professing... but, important to go and important to take part and a place where God spoke to my heart..
Attending convention: Looked forward to the social part of it. The older I got, the more I felt God was speaking to me and "feeding" me there, but even so... the meetings were too long, the benches were too hard, I was too dressed, and it was too HOT!! Prayed about being open to God's call there if He wanted me to go into the work. Hoped to find my very own "Mr. Right" there some day... actually, MY man was living right under my nose all that time... I just didn't recognize him for a few more years!!
Going to school: Though I felt uncomfortable at times and knew I didn't really fit in and belong with these people, I didn't stick out obviously from an outward or participation standpoint. I participated in a highschool fashion show, was allowed to "dance" in P.E. class (where I was also allowed to wear the standard P.E. uniform including shorts... of course, we wore shorts and jeans at home, too). I was nominated "princess" for one of the proms (small town); I rode in the parade; got picture in the yearbook; didn't go to the prom... the kids knew I wouldn't go when they elected me... mom helped me find (and paid for) a"prom dress" for the occasion.
Sports at school: I played in some inter-mural sports in junior high...I'm not very athletic, so didn't do much. I was in the pep club in highschool and attended most of our school's games. Though none of us kids actually participated in high school sports, I'm sure mom and dad would have let us if we had wanted to. They felt bad about other kids who WANTED to participate and were not allowed... mom always said it was a good, safe, healthy pursuit for teenagers.
Community sports: We lived in or near a college town... mom and dad followed the local high school and the college sports... sometimes we'd go to the games. We went to see the Harlem Globetrotters when they were in town and several times went to the Ice Capades
Professing people's kids as your friends: my "best friends" when I was growing up were generally our neighbor kids... twice we had another professing family living close by with kids our age... we played with them just as we did the other neighbors. As a teenager, most of my outside-of-school socializing was done with other professing kids, even though none of my school friends were in the group. There were lots of professing kids who came to our town for college, so by the time I was college-age, almost ALL of my socializing was with other professing kids.
Family get-togethers and reunions: we were closer to those "in" the group than those "out" of it. We had get-togethers with both. Family reunions almost every year for awhile with my mom's professing family. Sunday's were always our only source of strife there... now, I don't understand why someone didn't talk to the workers before our reunions every year... Sometimes, it seems like they did and sometimes they didn't.
We were a large group... mom had 8 siblings and we had loads of cousins. So... could we have a Sunday meeting with just our group (most of the men in the group were elders) or did we need to go to other meetings around the area... meeting places that had been "hallowed" as designated meeting places? If we DID meet just together, could we have the bread and wine? Did the kids have to dress up?... and then, afterwards...there was always a bit more strife because some of the parents were okay with their kids carrying on with the activities of the previous days together (swimming, etc) while other parents thought the kids had to be restricted because it was a holy day.
Professing relatives: I have always been VERY "family-oriented";almost without exception, I LOVED my relatives and loved being related to them! I loved having so many relatives at the meetings and at convention... was always easier for me to interact one-on-one with relatives, somehow. Most of our family socializing was with professing relatives.
Non-professing relatives: I enjoyed the cousins my age, possibly became more distant as I professed and got older. We lived quite close to my dad's unprofessing family and we got together regularly for family events and holiday meals. (Had one aunt who particularly worked at keeping the family close!) We, of course, lamented among ourselves that they were "lost" and prayed for them to find "the truth." (Even though most of them are strong Christians, I now know!)
"Outsider" friends: I had some good ones at school... especially highschool. We lived on a farm during those years, so I wasn't very "available" for the spontaneous weekend activities that the town kids fell into. Those friendships mostly revolved around school and school activities.
"Outsider" neighbors: We always became good friends with the kids; we were "good" neighbors; mom and dad knew the neighbors and were friendly, but didn't socialize much with them.
Community/town: My folks were well-respected and friendly, but no real involvement or socializing.
Community association functions: same as above; we went to parades and stuff like that. We never went to the town rodeo (a big event in our town) but we went to rodeo events at the county fair... I think the difference was the environment... drinking at the town rodeo, none at the fair. Mom and Dad took a Dale Carnegie course once with a couple other professing couples.
Viewing my parents: In the age when the phrase "generation gap" wascoined, I never felt that gap with my parents; I respected them a great deal; I loved them and knew that they loved me, too; we lived on a farm when (as the youngest is the family) I spent a year as the only kid at home... my parents were my friends. As I mention in my other post, I thought then (and think even more so, now) that they were wise... they gave us valuable guidance and their wisdom on things... but, as we got older, they were very good at learning to let go and allowing us to make up our own minds as much as they thought was possible/necessary. (Though this was not always EASY for them!!) I thank the Lord for parents who (in spite of the odds against it) were able to point us beyond a religious system to a personal relationship with God!
Viewing the workers: I respected most of them highly; knew it was a "privilege" to have them in our home. Though we moved fairly frequently,dad was usually an elder; we had fairly nice-size homes and generally had quite a bit of worker company. I was, for the most part, never very comfortable with many of the workers in one-on-one conversation... but, I'm pretty introverted and that is so with all but very close relationships for me. (Did the 2x2 environment contribute to that "defect" in me, or would it have been my personality type, anyway!?)
Siblings: probably pretty normal relationships with my 2 sisters and 1 brother at home... they all professed, too, as early teens and all married other 3rd generation professing kids/young adults!! When we lived on the farm and didn't have any close neighbors, my brother (2 yrs older) was my best friend... actually, we often played together as a group with the neighbors when we lived in town, too. NONE of us really had serious "generation gap" problems with our parents... maybe my middle sis the most... but we all were "good" kids... didn't lead one another to inappropriate behavior and breaking the "house rules." (except as noted under "addictive substances" below!?!)
Brownies and Cubs: I was a Brownie for a couple years; chose not to rejoin when we moved to a new town. My brother was a Cub Scout for awhile... never aware of such activities being a problem.
Piano lessons, swimming lesson, etc: took both; ______ was required to take piano lessons "so he could play piano in his own gospel meetings if necessary when he went into the work."
Christmas/Easter: Enjoyed both... with Santa and the Easter Bunny; we exchanged presents and sometimes had a tree; got Easter baskets and hunted for Easter eggs. These holidays were NEVER viewed as RELIGIOUS celebrations by our family... just a fun, family time.
National holidays: Had 2x2 group potluck picnics in the woods/hills every Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day... ate, hiked, played horseshoes and Norwegian baseball (and the girls and ladies all wore dresses,except me and my sisters when we were quite small!!?!... very modest when they tripped while running the bases!!) They were fun times, though... when I was REALLY small, some of my dad's unprofessing family even came along for the fun day.
TV/movies/bowling: We had no TV... sure enjoyed watching it when I was at friends houses, though!! We also were allowed to watch when we traveled and stayed in motels. I went to my first movie on a date with a professing guy when I was in high school; my second with an unprofessing guy at about 20... didn't enjoy either one very much...afraid the theater might burn down, etc!! We went bowling, swimming and played miniature golf a lot as teenagers... we were told by our parents that the main problem with bowling was the environment... there was always alcohol served at bowling alleys. We went to plays a lot with and without my parents. We were also allowed to go to carnivals, even though mom and dad didn't really like the environment there, either. I went to my first rock concert (at the college) when I was college-ageand working, I think... never went to many, even though I LOVED music. I think my sis was allowed to go to them when she was in high school...all of these activities were frowned on and/or not allowed by many ofthe friends in our area.
Dating as a teen: I "wrote to" only 2 guys that I met at convention over the years. I rarely dated my school friends... partly that "introversion" again, and partly "afraid" because what would we/could we do!? One guy asked me a few times to go swimming with him and some of the other kids... a teenager? in a swim suit? on a date? Not THIS one!!!!
Learning to drive: I learned early on the farm. In high school, I drove the 10 miles into town to go to school and "cruised the drag" with my friends at lunch and sometimes for awhile after school. Mom and Dad knew... another thing they weren't real fond of... too much wasted gas!,but I wasn't doing it against their wishes or behind their backs.
Peer pressure: This wasn't a real problem for me. I tried to avoid questions about religion... probably the area I least liked to talk about with my friends. I was NOT interested in drinking, drugs or pre-marital sexual pursuits. I wasn't tempted to go to dances because I didn't know how to dance...
Addictive substances: I hated the stories my high school friends often came back to school laughing over after the weekends... of someone's drunken behavior... it just sounded STUPID to me... who would want to make such a fool of themselves!?! I have only tasted beer 3 times in my life... I HATE it still!! As an adult, I have done some wine drinking. I don't feel it is unbiblical to do so, but I have suffered through a few "black out" experiences (something that often goes with a tendency toward alcoholism) after only a limited amount of drink and feel it best not to over indulge!!
My brother and I stole and smoked a few cigarettes from our dad's hired man--when I was about 10 or 12. He left opened packs in the pickup truck we drove to do chores. Maybe he thought we NEEDED the experience!? Like our esteemed President, "I never inhaled" though!!" And, I've never been interested in trying again. Have never done any other "experimenting."
And now you know as much about me as I do!! 3/97 - ______
Thinking thoughts about my parents reminded me of the following poem I wrote for my folks. I think I have shared on the list before about the poem one of my aunts sent to my parents after they (and we) left the meetings... the theme of the poem was "Some day some sheep are going to have to pay for the little lambs that have been lost."
When I heard about it, I wrote and sent my own poem to my folks... I send it to the list, not because I think I'm any sort of a poet, but because I think it addresses issues that I consider important in parenting: