I thank God for parents

Who established a real relationship with God -

In spite of the obstacles placed in their way

I thank God for parents

Who showed me the love of our Heavenly Father

and the merciful kindness of our God

I thank God for parents

Who guided me to establish my own relationship

with God and not to trust in, nor rely on, the

approval of man.

I thank God for parents

Who let go of their own understanding and, like

little children, trusted in His guidance

I thank God for parents like you! . . . and

I pray He could teach me to be such a parent to the

little people He has placed in my care. 4/91

I have finished "The Secret Sect" and parts of "Reflections", "Reflected Truth", "A Search for the Truth", and "Re inventing the Truth". I was surprised and very appreciative of the honesty and openness of the writings. I was pleased to know quite a few of you were in the books and more than a few I personally knew when I professed and spent some time in their homes.

1.Attending meeting: My earliest memory was a meeting in Bessie Adam's home in Loveland, Ohio. I remember the room being too dark to suit me and also I was jealous because my oldest brother was wearing long pants and all I could wear were shorts.

I remember at an early age hearing a lot from dad and others about the end ofthe world coming and I often dreamed of it and almost always ended up in hell because I only knew a couple verses of the Bible. To this day my gift is not memory of verses but I can remember many phone #s.

I remember a lot of the friends repeated prayers and testimonies week in and week out. I remember thinking if I ever professed I wanted to make an effort to pray for different things and study a lot in the Old Testament and bring in more of my personal experiences and how they relate to the verses. Also I hated thee's and thou's and thine's and remember after professing made a special effort not to use those words in my prayer. I never received direct negative feedback because of that simple change.

The best part of the meetings for me was the singing. I felt then I was part of the meeting and also I felt whole because one does not stutter when they sing. In fact many of my best childhood memories were around music and singing. Of course now I know it is because music and dance are special gifts given me from Him.

2. Attending convention: The highlight of the year! I spent part of three summers at preparation for Eaton, OH convention. The owners were the Swiharts' and they accepted me as one of their own. Forrest and his son Danny treated me with more respect than any friends to that period. I will always be grateful to Forrest for wanting me there especially since my professing father was a very abusive man at that time. I felt very good and wow some wonderful meals at preps! I was amazed with the amount of time the men workers spent on their knees before bed as I slept in the same room. My highlight with a worker was playing chess with Ronald Wheeler until wee hours of the morning. I did get tired of painting the same buildings each year. But plenty of breaks and great food. I worked much harder at home with very few breaks.

Conventions were fun when I stayed overnight. At that time I stuttered so I had a time meeting the girls and asking them on walks or for their address. I was 15 before I got my first address from a girl. She was 13. This correspondence lasted until I was 19.

The afternoon meeting was hardest for me as I wanted a nap. Many times I would leave and take one. During convention I always liked serving the tables so I could smile at the girls. Also that job did not last that long. I had time between meetings to hang out with the other folks. I was always treated like I professed because my outward appearance fitted in.

After I professed at 19 I liked convention because I could travel the country and meet new people, especially women, and have a list of pen pals. I have been to at least 20 different conventions in 10 states and 2 provinces in Canada during my 6 professing years. Much of that time I was with the USCG so I received 8 weeks vacation each year.

I am going to end for now. I enjoy writing on these day to day subjects and greatly appreciate all your feelings expressed. I like reading the posts and marvel at the wide range of spiritual gifts.

Many of you are in my prayers. I am on the highway a lot as my business covers three states and I find myself in prayer quite a lot. I also enjoy some Christian radio and many types of music tapes including choir practice tapes. I am a tenor at a small Presbyterian church.

This part of a song I sang recently is especially for you Bob Daniel,

"Soon and very soon" "I'm gonna see the King"; "Soon and very soon" "I'm gonna see the King" "Hallelujah, Hallelujah" "I'm gonna see the King"

In His unconditional love,

______ _______ 3/97

Reading with interest "growing up" as an indoctrinated 2x2 child. I was constantly licked, whipped, belted, slapped. Felt then and even today thatI must have been the worst of children to get such daily..... For me, the message I heard of "love, mercy, forgiveness...etc" held a hope nothing else did, and worth any price I was taught I had to pay!

NO SPORTS, NO CONTACT WITH PEOPLE OUTSIDE, NO GLORY OF ANY SORT IN ANY ACHIEVEMENT, NOTHING EVER GOOD ENOUGH, ALL FLESHLY CREATION CORRUPTED,...these were the guiding principles by which I was raised.

I escaped lickings at convention once I was a teenager.. got them later at home regularly until I was 16. The last one I received, I was ready to fight back knowing how often I was being punished for something for which I should not have been blamed and/or punished so severely. Having raised children now myself, I AM EVEN MORE CONVINCED OF THIS!

Taught to submit to any and all forms of authority, I did so for self preservation. Convention and meetings were where I knew safety, no fear of physical punishment. Grew to hate the fear of doing anything that might be considered wrong... I would do, say anything to try to avoid being wrong or punished wrongly and unfairly. Wanted desperately to have EVERYONE'S approval!

3/97 With love, _______

Okay, I'll finally have a go at the "growing up in it" thing.

Attending meetings was incredibly boring, but good to see my friends afterwards. I would very often have a friend over for Sunday lunch, or go to their place. Missions were the same - I got into the habit of "spacing out" - sort of sleeping with your eyes open. I still sometimes accidentally fall into this habit after so many years of doing it. I always looked forward to convention - many more friends to see! I wrote to several girls from other towns and cities. Also boys at convention! During the last few years, however, convention was a terrible nightmare. I couldn't stand the preaching, the whole atmosphere made me very uneasy.

Going to school - I always had a lot of school friends, and was usually allowed to attend all birthday parties, sleepovers, school camps, etc. When I got to High School (Grade 7-10) it was a bit harder, and got teased for always wearing skirts. I did wear pants for a while, but this stopped when I professed in Grade 10. I did sports at school - in a (short) sport skirt - Sports didn't really seem to be an issue, though I was never athletic anyway. The one thing I always longed for when I was younger was to do ballet. For years I dreamt of it, and even went along to watch the classes I was not allowed to join. This is still a bit of a sore point. I belonged to the band, partook in the School Musical each year, entered all the maths and science competitions, was nominated for Student of the school when I graduated.

Got into a bit of a rough crowd during the first years of highschool, most of my friends began smoking and drinking, etc. Belonged to the "trendies" at that stage, but didn't like the scene, so I bailed out and joined another group of friends. I went to the formal (Prom), designed and made my own dress.

Community sports weren't really an issue - I hated most sport. But I did belong to a soccer team and a hockey team at various stages at school.

Professing people's kids as your friends - Ooh yeah! There were about 5-6 girls my age in our mission, and we all hung out together, had sleepovers, went to the coast for weekends, etc. I had one very close friend my age - we were together almost every weekend for a while

Family get-togethers or reunions - Many family get-togethers on my mother's side. Still have get-togethers most times at Christmas, and I have a huge multitude of first cousins. Because I am the oldest grandchild though, most of them are much younger. I am actually much closer in age (and relationship) with my aunts and uncles. I still get on very well with them all.

Professing relatives - Yep, all 60 something of them! non-professing relatives - What is a non-professing relative??? :-) I think I may have 1 or 2 stray cousins at most who have faded off the edge somewhere. Their families don't talk about them much.

I had heaps of outsider friends. Several very best friends at different times. Many sleepovers, birthday parties etc. I never felt at all restricted in who I was allowed to befriend, though Mum did caution me a few times on some she didn't like. Her instincts were usually right.

"Outsider" neighbours - was best friends with two of them, girls the same age. Spent many hours in neighbour’s homes playing with dolls, watching TV, etc. Had a few "neighbour" gatherings.

Usually attended fetes (carnivals) in our area. Don't tend to now because my husband hates crowds, but went to many school fetes and town festivals in my adolescent years.

Viewing my parents - prefer not to comment too much, people are listening! But, I had a very happy childhood. Always felt very loved, memories of many childhood holidays, beaches, fishing, boating. Do not really regret anything about my childhood, I guess, but then I didn't seem to have as many restrictions as other professing families. I even had my hair cut up to my shoulders several times. Didn't really know it was disapproved of, but soon discovered many funny looks from the other 'friends'.

Viewing the workers - Hmmm - scary! Especially after I professed. Ducked behind doors and cars to get away from them in the fear they would want to "have a talk". Some were nice, but many were pretty stern. Viewed them as a different race of people.

Siblings - I grew up with two younger brothers, who were usually plotting something against me. One was very hyperactive, and we fought a lot when I was younger. I have a very good relationship with both of them.

Clubs - I belonged to the Girl Guides! Went along with a neighbourhood friend, but didn't officially belong for about a year. My parents weren't sure what to do, if I should actually join. I couldn't see what the problem was, and I was eventually allowed. My brother belonged to Scouts for a while. I slowly got the feeling that other "friends" thought it very strange. Another of the unwritten rules I didn't pick up on!!

Yep, we all took piano lessons, of course. Also clarinet for the school band. Took swimming lessons almost every year in Primary School. No problems.

Always celebrated Christmas and Easter with trees, presents and Easter eggs. Was not aware that any other 2x2s did differently! Holidays were great, usually rented a beach house or camped, my father owned a boat that we took out for fishing, etc. Many holidays.

TV/movies/bowling - Watched a great deal of TV at friends places! Movies were not allowed, but I started going to the cinema from the age of 16 with friends. Bowling was also frowned on, but I went with school friends, and sometimes, groups of "friends"! The "friends" also went ice-skating regularly. It horrified the country friends, what us city friends did.

Dating as a teen - not much! Had many close male friends, but had no serious relationships. "Went with" a boy from a faraway town after meeting at convention, but only lasted 6 months. Just didn't feel right. David was my first love, we met in year 11, married 5 years later!

Learning to drive - couldn't wait! Wasn't allowed to take lessons, so I had the instructor pick me up from School. Had 3 part-time jobs by then, so money wasn't really an issue. I got myself to the test, passed first time, and presented my parents with the licence. They were very surprised

Peer pressure - yes, there was quite a bit, but I coped. Because I got on well with everyone I didn't really care what some thought. When I was under more pressure to smoke and drink I dumped them and found new friends.

Illegal substances - was never an issue. Don't remember every being in contact with such things.

So there we have it! I guess my experience is a bit unusual to most, almost "normal"!! I have good memories of most of my childhood. 3/97 _______

I received the following request from someone:>Wonder if you might expand a bit on the one sentence regarding conventions (for us, and maybe for the list) : "I couldn't stand the preaching, thewhole atmosphere made me very uneasy."

I should have expressed the statement about convention a little better, I guess, but wasn't sure how to. I couldn't stand the preaching because so much of it smacked of the old rabbit tracks, the emphasis on the workers, the repeated sobbings of people giving testimony, how much they failed and could never get the victory, going out for another year to try better (when we all knew they would be back saying the same thing the next year.)

The atmosphere made me uneasy because I felt I was on the outside looking in. I was in the midst of all these people, had grown up with them, but I suddenly had this distinct feeling of not belonging to them anymore. I looked at them all, and felt a huge chasm between all these people and myself. The whole system irritated me beyond expression. I just saw this group of sheep, blindly following each other and the workers. This group of clones with identical hairstyles. For a while I despised it. Yes, this is very strong wording, but it is how I felt at the time.

It has taken me a long time to work out my anger at the system. To accept that there are many individuals in it who truly seek to know God and have a personal relationship with Him. But it still hurts and frustrates me immensely the pain the system continues to cause in the lives of my dear family and friends.

- ________

When I was 15, I was invited to an "evening" for a elderly visiting worker. It was strongly recommended to all the families that all young people and children attend (without their parents).

I cannot remember who this old worker was, but he gathered all the youngest children around him on the floor and spoke for nearly an hour, many little stories about children he knew in other countries, and the sacrifices/good things these other children had done for the sake of the workers and the Kingdom of God, of personal treasures etc. they had sacrificed and how pleased God (the workers) were by the sacrifices made.

This "evening" was held on a Saturday night, and the next day (Sunday) the meeting was tested. And whadda you know? A few little children present the night before stood up. I remember this so clearly, I was sssoooo embarrassed that these little children were standing up when OLD ME (15) had not yet professed. I was so mortified I wouldn't even lift my head.

The next week I went out with some older professing young people, and one of the guys was quite indignant about what had happened. He said these little children had been emotionally manipulated, and the workers had used this to advantage, before the children had really had a "cooling off" period from the night before and really had a chance to make a personal decision and think over it. I think most of us agreed.

One Sunday my brother got into an argument with my father because he wanted to part his hair down the middle and my dad felt it was Godlier to part it on the side. My dad tried to force him to part it on the side, not realizing that ____ could defend himself now. When he came at him my brother grabbed my dad by the throat and began to choke him! I was about 6 or 7 and I still get goose bumps almost 20 years later. If my mom hadn't convinced him to let go I believe my brother would be in jail now for murder. My point to this is that we all, maybe 10 minutes later, packed up and went to Sunday Morning Meeting and acted like nothing had happened. This was what I grew used to. We as a family unit were miserable, but we deserved an Oscar [acting award] for our performance around the friends!

Further to your comments about removing the antenna from your car, so that the "temptation to listen to the radio would be removed"....

In Eastern Canada it is considered not acceptable behavior to listen to the radio. One mother thought that she would control her teenagers impulses this way by having the antenna removed on the family's van, when the kids had it to drive. This did not only defeat her purpose, but the boys came up with ingenious ways to fashion antennas out of coat hangers and listened to the radio anyway. Most of the young kids do in those parts, you just learn to hide it from your parents.

I am not condoning deceitful practices amongst the young people, but when scare tactics and mind control are the only forms of discipline that are used, and as the young people in the group begin to realize more and more with education and exposure, they are beginning to realize that a system that is still based in the 30's or 40's just doesn't quite work anymore.

If anything, the stringent rules and regulations aren't making them more Holy, at all, instead it is ruining what should be open and honest relationships between children and parents, especially in the crucial teenage years. 5/97