I speak for myself when I say that the "coming out" experience was very difficult for me. I was scared to death! But *I* experienced nothing compared to some who left years and years ago. Many have lived in fear for years thinking that unless they re-professed they would, for sure, go to HELL!

When one starts reflecting back on their "truth" experience it is very difficult to put into words all that you have experienced. I was glad you pointed out, that leaving was not an easy thing to do. I know for me, it was the most difficult thing I have ever done or experienced. (This includes a divorce.) When I left the fellowship, I was told that I was taking the easy way out. Never has a statement been more untrue. Standing up for what you believe in and then having the courage to walk away, with that fearful curse placed upon you that you will go to hell, was extremely painful. Never have I felt so alone, but then never have I felt so close to God as well.

Leaving the "truth" was a long process for me. I liken it to carrying a sack over my shoulder and walking down a road. As I walk down this road I find little rocks along the way. These rocks are the problems and discrepancies I see in the "truth". Because I do not want to be unwilling for God's perfect way, I throw this rock into my bag and keep walking. Over the years many, many rocks were tossed into this bag. If something bothered me, I assumed it was because I was bad. After all, I was in the perfect way. 15 years later, this bag was far to heavy for me to carry anymore. A time came, when the rocks had to be poured out and examined for what they were. That is when I left the "truth".

The workers are really at a BIG disadvantage now that we are in the information age! The cover-up has been uncovered and never again will they be able to hoodwink people. If they think that this information is going to stop going out they are wrong. Perhaps they are waiting for all "this" to blow over but that is not going to happen. The domino effect is well under way.

I am SO glad I am OUT. Sorry if I sounded harsh...it is the way I feel....

One of the factors which, over a period of two or three years, motivated us to take action was concern for our children. Ultimately, I realized I had only two alternatives. I could either remain loyal to the 2x2 system and lie to my children, or be truthful with my children and accept the consequential price of being considered an unsaved apostate by most of our old friends, including the workers. Thinking of it in those terms made the choice much easier, especially when I considered that if truthfulness with my children is vital, honesty before God is even more vital.

So, for some time we talked about these things with our children. We let them know what we had been learning both regarding the actual history of the fellowship and regarding the falseness of some of the doctrines we had been taught. We are thankful that our children share with us in our new found liberty and faith in the real Jesus Christ. - Paul Abenroth

I was saddened and surprised to discover how blind I had been, but I have lost none of the love for those I once thought were friends.

Some "friends" have such a difficult time separating the "way" (the 2x2 system) from God Himself. God DOES exist outside of the so-called "Truth" to be sure. If a friend leaves the "Truth" and cannot find God that is very sad. This does happen; the frequency of which I have no statistics on. I have met ex2x2s who have left years and years ago and perhaps 10 or more years go by and by various methods they find God and His plan of salvation. God uses so many methods to reveal Himself to people.

Leaving would be so difficult because it would break my father's heart (because of the mistaken belief that I would go to hell if I left) and all my childhood friends are part of this way. I can see now that is one of the 'cult' tactics used, but it still remains a fact!

I had no contact with anyone who was "out." No support that way! In my agony I began to read a lot of material to try to get some relief. I really didn't know where to start or in which direction I should be looking. Reading the Bible was painful. It produced more fear since I had no understanding of the basics like God's Grace and that God actually HAS a plan of salvation!! When I tried to read my Bible I could only see "worker-interpretation."

I professed for 23 years... left, not because I'd read the books or studied other "Christian" thought... just came to the realization, after much attempted dialog with other "friends" and "workers," that the "religion" of most in the group was not something that I wished to uphold by my presence and participation and was not something I could uphold before my 3 children.

I remember being baffled about WHY anyone would be "against 'The Truth'." It was incomprehensible to me that there could be anything to be "against." I think I, or some others, expressed bewilderment, and were told that, well, these people are "evil."

I have always been amazed how little the workers and other saints would really care when people leave the 2x2s! I think that almost keeps you "in" for a while because you realise how little impact leaving would have!!

We were both born and raised in the group, took about five years to wean ourselves off of it, discovered grace five years ago and have been free since. 9/96

Quit "professing" for good when 29, because of perceived inconsistencies between what the workers said and what I read in the Bible. Taught to believe the 2x2 way is the only way to heaven, so when its credibility was destroyed in my mind, I decided the Bible didn't make any sense either and turned my back on God. Seven years later my wife made the decision to leave the 2x2s, and the Lord led us to the perfect non-denominational church for us. The Lord was good and drew me back to Himself. PRAISE THE LORD!!

I value truth above everything. The darkest day of my life was when I realized the workers cared more about maintaining the status quo of the system, than they did truth.

I suffered terrible effects both mentally and physically when leaving. But I think the most important thing in determining the need to leave is that first breakthrough of thinking for yourself. I found it incredibly hard to think for myself for such a long time, I was too frightened. I had been told for so many years never to listen to worldly friends, religious people of the world, etc, because the Devil would get a foothold. So when Christian friends tried to talk to me, I almost went insane trying to do as I was told, and not let myself think of the things they said. People need to be challenged to think, and when they learn to do that for themselves there is every reason to go forward, and it is harder to just go back and 'forget' the things you have thought about.

I got to the point where I knew I could not just fall back into the 2x2s and forget everything I had questioned. There was too much that didn't make sense, too many questions to which I did not have answers, too many lies I had been told. I now encourage my parents to look at what the bible really says, without trying to justify it to what they already believe. To THINK about what they are told, not just accept it without searching their own bibles.

We're still "in" officially, but I haven't a shred of confidence left in it. If there's anyone I can help by staying in for a while, that's what I want to do.

There are so many emotions one has to work through when leaving. To leave is NO EASY THING! We have been programmed to believe it is THE ONLY WAY and of course there are so many personal/family ties. Reading REFLECTIONS and the new one, REFLECTED TRUTH, really helps one to understand what people felt when in the 2x2s and how they came to leave and what they went through after they left.

While the truth about the "Truth" is very painful and disappointing it really is necessary so that we can come to grips with everything.

One thing that is not on the 2x2 related web sites very much, if at all, is the agony of "coming out." I will tell you that not very many leave without going through mental stress untold! I think you already know what I'm talking about. If you have reached the stage of "should I or shouldn't I" (leave that is) you undoubtedly know what I mean.

(I really am trying to answer your question. Sometimes I get a bit carried away!) To continue on with what exes do to integrate:

Some, depending on where they are spiritually, attend a good Bible-based church and get involved there. Getting straightened out doctrinally is very important.

Some go on with their lives and try not to think about "it" (not a good plan as far as I can detect). I think that it is best to educate yourself fully by reading as much as you can and little by little the bondage of mind becomes less and less.

I, too, thank the Lord every day for freedom for that bondage.

….even help 2x2's learn to think for themselves if necessary... if I could help anyone's journey to freedom from oppression any easier in anyway, I would consider it a grand privilege!

I really thought I was condemning myself to hell when I stopped going to meeting so it was as though an enormous weight was lifted when I found out the so-called "truth" was started by a man named William Irvine in 1897 and the whole thing was based on his rules and regulations.

Actually, we're not quite exes yet! That is, formally. In our hearts, definitely.

I did not leave the 2x2s for doctrinal reasons although in retrospect I wish I could say that *IS* why I left since it is likely the best reason to leave the group. I was never taught that Jesus was/is God and no one ever said to me "Jesus is God." This "idea" was simply NOT a part of my experience!

Needing contact with others who are also "out" and who understand is very common and making that contact is very therapeutic.

While the "friends" are not encouraged to "shun" it certainly does happen.

My never-professing husband had NO IDEA the agony I went through in making my decision to leave.

Disagreement is not what is healthy. Discussion is what is healthy. Oneof the reasons we left was that there was no discussion. Meetings - none of them - encourage nor allow discussion. We tried and tried over several years to have discussion, but there was a great wall of tension, apprehension, 'bad spirit' judgment casting, lying etc. that completely removed any possibility of fellowship. That is NOT the hand that God deals. It is the hand that satan deals.

From what I have seen the 2x2s will continue to associate with their fallen-away 2x2 relatives. The atmosphere will be more strained and perhaps the contact less frequent. Depending on how active the EX has been against the sect the 2x2 relatives and friends may continue to invite/suggest that the EX attend the meetings again. This would be done carefully, in most cases, without constant harping in order that the EX would want to return. Likely the relatives would pray that this EX would return.

I left the way I had been in for all those years (I NEVER called it the Truth!). For months before and months after I left the clan a lot of "stuff" was going through my head as I am sure many of you can relate to. I won't go into this "stuff" now but suffice is to say that I was in a lot of agony--well, let's make that *** FEAR ***, shall we?

I would say that as long as an EX2x2 does not "make waves" by stating opinions verbally to the friends, by mailing them information, by writing about them or making comments about their "perfect Way" or by speaking disrespectfully of the workers, etc. they will still be nice to their former "friend." BUT.....just speak out, send them your exit letter, tell them about Jesus, or tell them their beliefs are in error, THEN the fun begins! What fun? (Well, I suppose that again depends on a number of things and, again, the "field" the EX is in!) Dirty looks as they pass you on the street is one. Pretending they don't know you is another. But I believe bad-mouthing is their big favorite!

We're still "professing," but on the fringes.

I left "the truth" three years ago and now I have a wonderful sense of freedom--no guilt, no fear. 9/96

I did not have the luxury of having someone to talk to when I was thinking about leaving. I was in agony for about a year before I left and I had fear after leaving for about 8 months.

We still care about those folks. We know they care about us. However, it is a very particular kind of love that is practiced in the 2x2 system. It is a love that has chains -- chains of legalism, erroneous history, un-biblical tradition, salvation by works, false Christology, and workerocracy. From the moment the grace of Christ unshackled those chains from us, we have never ever wished for them to encircle us again. Likewise, we never again want to participate in any effort to enchain others in the 2x2 system. - Paul Abenroth

I had two Christian friends that really helped me after I felt the 2x2s. I really appreciated their help because I didn't know when I left the 2x2s that they were so far doctrinally off!

No, the families don't cut you off. If they think you are "slipping" or are thinking about leaving the clan they may try to love you a bit harder; they may ignore you a bit more, but they don't totally cut you off. They can't--cutting you off would be to tell you not to come to meeting any more and that is not their responsibility--but rather that of the all-important ones--the workers! If it appears that you are having a lack of faith a worker may come to visit you to see what can be done about this situation! Again, no set rules. (Can be lots of surprises in the "simple" way!)

After a "friend" leaves the fellowship he or she MAY feel and see a difference. The exit experience and shunning process varies. Shunning is not something that is TAUGHT although with so many leaving I suppose this process of shunning is becoming more skillfully acquired by the friends.

When one (of the friends) gets to the point that the negatives of the "Way" are heavier than the positives one MUST leave (or go crazy.)

I feel like I have so much more to learn now, and I would love to talk to other people who will understand my experiences.

It is never easy to gather all the necessary information and reach a decision on what to do. No one contemplates leaving the "Truth" without great agony.

None of us exes are advocating that leaving will be a "bed of roses" to be sure. When one is part of a "family" and leaves it the family seems to turn on 'ya. That's part of the package and all of us who have left have experienced that to one degree or another.

You might have guessed that lots of us exes are in very close contact with one another. That is not so for all of us, but for many of us. In several countries around the world ex2x2s are getting together to chat, express feelings and just share. We finally get a chance to "get real." By that I mean that while in the group we had to watch what we said, watch what we did, watch where we went, watch, watch, watch. You know what I mean, I am sure. Well, when we get together, in groups of 2's or groups of 52's (so to speak) we can finally say how we felt when we were "in." For example lots of people detested going to convention. Some on the other hand really liked it. Lots of women HATED having long hair and for others it was no big deal. Some folks talk about various kinds of abuse at the hands of the workers and others had no such experience and may never have thought or heard of such a thing. Some folks like to talk about their new relationship with Jesus while others like to leave the religious side out of their converstions. Each one is free to share.

Anyway it seems all of the truth comes out! It is very freeing and it is really nice to finally be able to be honest and not have to cover-up our thoughts.

I guess the most help an Ex can receive is to know that they are NOT crazy and that others have come out and successfully gone on; that life DOES get better and that the fear that has held them WILL subside and that joy (true joy in Christ) is available. ("For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Tim 1:7 "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord *SHALL* be saved." Rom. 10:13)

Most everyone leaves for a number of reasons--rarely is it just one thing/reason. Basically I left because I could not "To Thine own self be true" and continue in it. I could not serve God in a way that was consistent with what I read in the Bible by staying in it. I could not allow the Holy Spirit to direct my life and be obedient to the system/workers dictates.

>> In my opinion, a person should only change where they are (2x2's or someplace else) after God has clearly directed them to do so. My answer to the question put to anyone "How can you stay?" is "God has not made it clear to leave yet." <<

Well said! I don't know how it could have been said any better!! I feel I left a bit too soon actually--I wish I had sat through a couple series of gospel meetings and conventions and REALLY listened first. Most of the time, the individual recognizes the "right time" really is...and after that, they find they cannot stay. Whereas before, they could not leave...

My mother was seeing an outside counselor who advised her to leave the high stress of an extremely legalistic lifestyle.

There are some folks on the List who are still professing but, for the most part, mentally out. Like you ______--and we are so appreciative that you are speaking out! Not everyone feels free to do that! I doubt if I would have done that myself--some paranoia on my part! I didn't tell ANYONE that I was considering leaving for the many months that I pondered everything! So, I think that while I would rather know who I'm "talking" to I can very easily put myself into a fence sitters shoes. I would have LOVED to be a lurker here on the List when I was contemplating leaving! I did not find an EX for a couple months AFTER I left and it was like locating one's birth mother or something like that! I met with folks who had been out for a year. I had never met or heard of these folks while professing and I was greatly helped by being with them and the relief of finding others who had left was most welcomed and most beneficial too.

I knew the exit letter I wrote to the friends after I left would be very stressful for many but I also knew there would be those, like me, who would want to know the truth.

Sure one is free to leave but I don't agree that it's without rejection, harassment and slander. If you leave because of backsliding and not being willing for the way, you're not too bad of a guy but if you leave, and make known the things they are trying to cover up, then.......quite another story. 2/97