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Leaving the fellowship is a process. That process may be different for different people. For me it was the realization that the 2x2 doctrine (what they taught about what the bible said) was wrong. For some (my wife _____ ) eyes were opened by experiencing personal abuse which is biblically justified by the 2x2 leadership. And still for others it is learning about the history of the group. 6/97
I think readjustment takes a long time, also to learn how to deal with 2x2s that you still have contacts or friendships with. A lot of my previous friendships broke down; some people still greet me at weddings, etc, but some very pointedly ignore me, and I have lost a lot of friends. Being on the outside takes a bit of getting used to, you have lost a whole community and way of life! I did grieve for a long time, and think it was necessary for that grieving process to take place, to realise that my childhood and early adulthood life was a thing of the past and a way of life to which I could never return.
Lots of love, understanding and support is needed from those who do understand! Good to know that there are those of you out there who do understand!
My sense is also that in these posts to the list there is a significant amount of catharsis going on for many listees who seem to have been genuinely traumatized and subjected to far more stress at the hands of the workers than I have been. Some of their stories are heart wrenching.
I'm always delighted to hear from someone who is just getting enlightened about the system and the faults of it; yet I feel so sorry for them too. I know there is MUCH pain, guilt, shame, emotional problems, grief, disruption in families, the list goes on and on that they have ahead of them. It is worth it all for the freedom in Christ they gain but it comes at a terribly huge cost. I think that's what makes it so hard to bear when those still in the group make comments that we who have left 'took the easy way out'--hardly, but that's the way they see it. 1/97
After I left, God opened the True Gospel to me, and this is the best and only way to readjust to life, to receive the real Christ! But there were a lot of things I had to come to terms with, and I found it useful to write down all the 'doctrines' of the 2x2s and search out what scripture said of these things, especially all of the verses that directly contradict what the workers teach! I also studied what other churches taught, and looked up those things in the Bible too. It is essential to be convicted in your own mind from scripture.
I feel thankful that I read the Secret Sect before leaving and soon after leaving received a lot more help in the form of literature and from others who left before me.
Yes, it is very therapeutic to talk to others who understand.
I hope I can send you guys a manuscript of my story one of these days not too far in the future, at present I have written several thousand words and still have a lot to go. It is very emotionally draining, and every time I sit down to get stuck into it I end up crying again. It's getting better, but sometimes I wonder just how many years it will be before I can talk about my own experience without breaking down.
So many of us HAVE suffered immeasurable in this exiting experience. The doctrinal errors and control in the group we have left are not easy to shake.
One of the comforts many people find in a cult is that they can just believe what they are told - they don't need to think for themselves. One of the possible shocks in leaving a cultic system is the realization that a person has to decide what he/she will believe about many different things. On the flip side, one of the joys I have found since leaving the 2x2s is the ability to have open discussion of doctrine, and to be in disagreement with other Christians, yet accepting them as my Christian brothers and sisters.
People need to heal from wounds inflicted by churches like the Truth, and the best way is to tell that story over and over.
The anxiety was strange, I had physical symptoms as I prepared to accept that what I had been taught was TRUTH was actually a LIE.
I cannot describe how overjoyed I was to meet the guys on this list. I felt so alone for the last 3 years! I know that I personally went through many stages of guilt, anxiety, then ANGER, further confusion and guilt, and ANGER again. I think I have worked through most of the emotional and spiritual issues now, there are just some lingering effects I am trying to grow out of. (But I still get very riled on occasion).
It takes awhile but feel like we're out from under the grip of so much.
There is/was a bad case of extremism in the 2x2. We who are now out are bound to carry the effects of this with us.
People handle leaving and "thinking about these things" in different ways.Some want to read EVERYTHING and talk to EVERYONE. Some don't want to think about any of this, read anything about the group or have anything to do with the friends or EX-friends. I believe this "ostrich" approach is detrimental in the long run.
There have been many cases of emotional breakdowns after a person leaves an abusive religious group. After all, being in such a group is a mind abuse experience.
Some people make a very healthy transition simply by acquiring good scriptural doctrinal viewpoints. These people find that good Bible teaching was all that they needed to produce a healthy, confident lifestyle.
Other people seem to require "exit counseling" to help them recover from unhealthy thought patterns and emotional damage.
There are several obstacles to recovery. There are also many common reactions experienced by people who go through the transition to normalcy. The following information is given to help people identify with that whey may be experiencing.
Anger at self or others Memory lapse Disbelief or denial that situation is true Confusion, dizziness Fear Inability to concentrate Loneliness Hallucinations Feeling deprived, resentment Guilt Nightmares Sighing Crying spells Withdrawal from People Suspicion of others Restlessness/Busy syndrome. Can’t stay home or in one place. Shaking, trembling Constantly talking about the situation Insomnia Thinking, "if only…" Sore muscles Empty feeling, numbness Grief, pressure in chest, lump in throat, feeling need to vomit. Illness from stress Lethargy Promiscuous behavior Low self esteem. Lack of confidence Embarrassment
The preceding characteristics are normal reactions to the grief produced by a cultic or abusive group experience. After leaving an abusive group it is important to recognize our feelings and symptoms and to acknowledge them and make efforts to break the cycle of thoughts that brings on the negative emotions or behaviors. It also helps to keep a written journal of feelings, to talk to non judgmental friends or trained counselors and to reach out to others with the same kind of experience.
Each person's recovery experience is different. We are not all the same. What works for one may not work for another. Likewise our recovery TIME will vary. While a few may recover in a matter of weeks it is more likely to take many months or years. In fact the recovery process will likely continue forever.
I can honestly say that leaving the 2x2s was the most painful, long and agonizing thing I have ever had to do in my life! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, compares to the stress I have had to endure in the exiting of this cult.
If there are lurkers reading this I want to make it clear that loosing friends (ie. my 2x2 buddies) was/is NOT my problem. I knew that once I sent out my exit letter I would be totally shunned and cut off--and of course, I was right! I was ready for that but I wanted them to learn what I had learned.
I think leaving was at least as stressful as going through a difficult divorce. Even loosing my Mother was NOTHING compared to exiting the 2x2s and trying to get the mind control eliminated. 9/96
I know that I'll always be grateful for the help that I received from ex 2x2's. Without them, I know my progress would of been a lot slower.
In Steven Hassan's book, Combating Cult Mind Control, he says something to the effect that others will tell you to just get on with your life. He said if you were lying in a hospital after being hit by a Mack truck, with broken bones all over your body, people wouldn't come to visit you & say, you just need to forget this accident & get up and get out of here & walk. Yet others don't understand the cult experience & that's exactly what they expect people to do. I believe his estimate in getting over such an experience was 5 years. I've now been out just 5 years & while there are many, many things behind me, there are still times when things come flooding back like I was still in or it was yesterday. But it IS much, much better. 1/97
Anyone who has not given their lives and had their thoughts controlled by the fellowship can ever really understand what we went through and are still going through. So easy for some to say "I understand". I've never been abused or divorced, so I can't say our situation is the same as that, yet some have so indicated such is true. 1/97
January 1997,
I professed as an adult 'outsider' and remained, out of fear, for fourteen years.
After I was out for about six or eight months I figured that I was OK. I wasn't. I know that now. I'm now out 3.5 years and I can look back and see that I'm much better now but I'm still in recovery. Like someone said: "We aren't EX-2x2s we are recovering 2x2s."
Do I regret leaving? Would I have rather saved myself the agony of leaving and simply stayed in?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!
While on one hand I will tell anyone that leaving the 2x2s was the most painful thing I have ever done I will also say that leaving was THE BEST THING THAT I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE!!!!
I thank God every day for what He has revealed to me, not only about the 2x2 Way, but about WHO He is and WHAT He has done for ME. He gave His life for my sins! Praise be to God!!! 1/97 - Sandi Gunther, Canada
Three years later . . . . July 1999,
It's now been almost 6 and a half years since leaving the 2x2 sect. It has taken me until now to get back to my old pre-meeting self, to the self I was before I professed as an 'outsider.'
Today, since experiences make up who we are, I can say that I'm glad for my 2x2 esperiences, at least on some level. It was a learning experience to be sure.
I don't know who first said "God does not waste our time--He will use our past and present so we may serve Him with our future" but I sure do believe this.
I continue to be very glad to be "Free in Christ" rather than to be "in bondage to man." -Sandi
After spending 45 years of my life either growing up in the "way" or professing I have a deep deep indoctrination. Even though I did not fully believe a lot of it for several years it is still deeply entrenched in my mind. I agree with you that we are not just ex 2-2's but recovering 2x2's. And quite possibly for some of us who were in so long it could be a lifetime of recovery.
I've been out for about 5 years now. I do not know how I could have handled it without the knowledge of the Grace of God thru faith in Jesus Christ (God in the flesh) and the Holy Spirit. I have been blessed like never before when still in. I have joy and peace now. I serve and worship out of love and not fear. I hunger and thirst after righteousness. Little of these were present in all the years I professed. But I still have many hangups and occasional doubts about things that were drilled into me for so many years. I wonder if that will ever go away!!
In regards to relatives. I still have a brother and mother still in but they treat me with the same love they showed for me before I left. We do not talk about my departure anymore but hopefully some day we can. I am starting to talk with my nephew and hopefully that will reap some rewards. I feel so sorry for those of you who have family who treat you so badly because you left. It must make the healing process and adjustment much more difficult. Keep up the faith as the peace, joy, happiness, hope, etc. far outweigh any conflicts that arise. 1/97
A woman writes: "Last night I learned that my husband had been married before! After all these years together--NOW THIS. I'm in shock. So upset!!! He said it wasn't for long--a few months and then they got divorced! I've married a divorced man and I didn't even know! I just don't understand how he could have done this to me! Why!? Why couldn't he have just told me? And he has a child by this other woman whom he has been supporting all these years! I hardly know how I feel or what to do! He has lied to me all these years."
The above is NOT a true story. But do you get the point?
For me the KEY was in the NOT KNOWING.
More than any other way of learning I tend to learn by asking questions. In the "Truth" questions were a big No-No. I got no extra "points" for asking questions!
And, as I've said here before, I HATE a lie. Notice in the fictitious story above the wife was very angry. It was because of the lie. Had her husband told her the truth there would have been no cover-up and no lie. All would have been out in the open. She could have decided to marry him or not. More than likely she would have listened to him telling her he had been married before and that he intended to support a child from that marriage and the two of them would have married and "lived happily ever after." But he didn't do that. And here they are years later and this secret has been uncovered!
In one story in REFLECTIONS one writer tells her readers that she always encouraged her children to check things out--to not rely on information without verifying it. As a result her children would ask her "Why this or why that" regarding the "Truth." When there was no logical answer I suppose one could say "the writing was on the wall."
Thinking about "these things" helps to release all of the mind control, bad information, cover-ups, etc.
So, regarding the "Truth" here is a list of some of the things I just didn't know:
I didn't know that this way began in Ireland. I didn't know that William Irvine founded this "Way" about a hundred years ago.
I didn't know that workers covered-up this lie for about eighty years.
I didn't know that Irvine had been kicked out by his own followers and I didn't know that Edward Cooney was another excommunicated first worker.
I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to ask certain questions in the "Truth."
I didn't know that a one inch cap sleeve on my dress was not acceptable and I didn't know that open-toed shoes were frowned upon. And I didn’t know I shouldn’t say "Gee!"
I didn't know the RULES--I was expected to "pick them up."
I didn't know I was being subtly conditioned to believe in the "Way."
I didn't know that TVs were/are carefully kept in closets.
I didn't know that a lot of the friends lived double lives
I didn’t know that some have Christmas trees while others wouldn’t consider it!
I didn’t know that in some parts the divorce and re-marriage issue is a major topic/concern while in other areas it is not yet an issue.
I didn’t know that after professing I continued to be shielded from certain knowledge (gossip?) because I had come in as an "outsider."
And I certainly didn’t know about the sexual abuse that apparently has been going on for years. Workers! Elders! Fathers!
I didn't know salvation is through Christ by God's grace.
I didn't know that Jesus is part of the Godhead; God the Son.
I didn't know what the workers' doctrine was!!! (I didn’t even know the WORD "doctrine.")
I didn't know that the workers don't agree on their own doctrine!
I didn’t know that many of the friends do not believe much of what the workers preach and still they remain in the system.
I didn’t know that, like me, many stay "in" out of fear.
I didn't know that there are/were so many differences in the Way from place to place. That it isn’t the same all over the world.
I didn't know anything about how the workers receive and handle the money they are given.
I didn’t know how hard it was for the workers; especially the young workers. I didn’t know they had their OWN set of worker rules to follow.
I didn’t know how much stress the workers were/are under to "stay in the work; stay in the work!"
I didn’t know that LEGALISM is what we were/are under. That God doesn’t impose rules upon us—but MAN does!
I didn’t know that many of "our" hymns were written by Christians and sung by Christians in their churches.
I didn’t know that four of "our" hymns were written by Edward Cooney but his name has been conveniently left off the sheet that gives credit for the hymn writers.
I didn’t know that the workers had registered NAMES and use official LETTERHEAD! Some of the letterhead has been around since the 1920's!
I didn’t know the characteristics of a cult and how many of these fit the "Truth" to a "t."
I didn't know anything about the sexual scandals in the "Way."
I didn’t know that some of the friends went/go to Christian pastors to get married!
For the longest time I didn’t realize that funerals are used as GOSPEL meetings!
I didn’t know the characteristics of a cult and how many of these fit the "Truth" to a "t."
I didn't know anything about the sexual scandals in the "Way."
I didn’t know there was information available to dispel all the errors and lies of the system.
I didn’t know how much I had been indoctrinated.
I didn’t know how difficult it would really be after I left.
I had no idea how much information I would learn about the "Truth" after leaving.
I had no idea what freedom there was in talking with others like me who had left the 2x2 cult.
I had no idea that we had many of the same thoughts/feelings while professing but that we couldn’t share them.
And finally, I didn’t know what joy I’d have after leaving and after learning the truth about the "Truth" and the truth of God and all He has done for me.
People don’t usually leave for just one reason—but for a combination of reasons. And it is the hardest thing many of us have ever done. Not that we’ve ever regretted it! Exiting from "the truth" is similar to a divorce--from a way of life. It’s a role exit, and there are stages one goes through. The comments you regard as "malicious," and "propaganda," etc. were written by people who were in all different stages of recovery from the effects of the group. Anger is one of the stages in the grieving process they go through.
I am learning to make friends again, as I never really cultivated any at school, thinking that my 2X2 friends were all I ever needed. 2/97
In my experience (as a psychologist) support and writing are the two best tools for healing - and further more, support from those who have been there. What a blessing it is to have the list. Joining the list is one of the most exciting things thathas happened to me this year. Even though I know that I am healed -mostly- I feel that you know where I have been and I know where you have been. Even tho' our experiences may vary, there is an experience that we share in common that those outside could never comprehend. 6/97
We were never allowed to dance in the 2x2s. I know nothing about waltzes, the cha-cha, etc. At a recent dance I danced only the regular disco dances, and sat out for the rest. I was watching everyone dance, and it looked like somuch fun, and I had no idea how to do it. I really became upset. It was a good thing the lights were low in there, because I was on the verge of crying right then and there. I knew my eyes were starting to water and could feelthe tears coming up in my eyes, angry that as a 2x2, we were forbidden to take part in this great fun. That is really the first time that I have felt bitterness about my 2x2 upbringing. Usually I have accepted it and went on with life, but I think now I am beginning to realize that I have a disadvantage, almost a handicap with society, something that will be a longhealing process. I am beginning to realize how hard this really is going to be. 6/97
You might find, as many of us have found, that reading the NIV or another version of the Bible helps to escape the thought trails established by any previous dependence upon the King James Version as taught by the 2x2 faith. 6/97
ANY form of childhood indoctrination as strong as we received will always be part of our psychic. The human brain with its method of storing reality dictates that it will be thus. 6/97
Learning that there is Spiritual Life after being in the "Truth". When all you ever hear is that this is the only way and that all churches outside are false it is wonderful to find others that worship God and that they love Him and they don't have to belong to the 2X2's. It is so nice to release that prejudice that you have carried around in your heart because of their doctrine. Finally, just to Love God without all the misconceptions and biases. To be as Paul and have those scales removed forever. 6/97
I think what helped me the most is going to church and worshipping God with other believers. It is such a sweet release to worship knowing your Saviour accepts you just as you are with no more striving to be good enough. It also helped to go to some Bible studies and read some good Christian books. This list is also helpful in working through feelings and exchanging experiences. 6/97
I guess different things helped at different stages but overall, I think for me, prayer and fellowship with Christians in other Church groups has helped me more than anything else. The pastors at several different churches we visited seemed to preach many things we needed to hear even when they knew nothing about our struggles. Seeing the joy and enthusiasm of other Christians seemed to help to wipe out the thoughts I had of leaving Christianity or church attendance altogether. (And that thought did enter my mind.) 6/97
I suppose there are different types of recovery. Spiritual recovery and recovery from the mind control we were all under. HAS THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE? helped me a lot and so did THE GRACE AWAKENING. Also for my spiritual help the Grace To You tape ministry really helped. But learning who Jesus was helped the most!
With regard to the mind control I found that READING all I could about the history and all the other 2x2 "stuff" [I can’t think of a better word] really helped me. Reading THE CHURCH WITHOUT A NAME helped me to recognize a lot of things I knew all along but which I had stuffed down. The only thing in that book that I figured the author was "out to lunch" on was the sexual abuse. I now know that the author was NOT wrong on that either. IMO, educating one’s self on "all this" and talking to other exes [even via this list] is the best way recover from the mind control and fear. 6/97
I realize quite a few of you "new" folks to the list are going through finding out the history of "truth" and all the feelings which go with leaving meetings and your "friends" and family abandoning you. This is more difficult than what I have been facing. I want to let you know all of you are being lifted up in prayer. Many behind the scenes have you in their thoughts and prayers. Specifically the church I attend.
With the recent posting from _____ I realized that my way of leaving "truth" was so gradual to almost become invisible. I left with nary a ripple IMO. So I did not feel the separation as strong as many of you. I already had a couple family members who already had left who welcomed me. And my professing parents welcomed me also. I really feel for those of you whose parents do not welcome you. I cannot fathom that pain. But I know our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ knows and wants to take that burden from you. I also know many on this list have felt this kind of pain. 6/97
What has helped me the most? Our church sponsors a Bible study done by the Navigators. Its' called 2:7. Taken from Coll 2:7 (rooted and built up) For the first time I had to really think about what I believed, and why. It was such an eye-opener. Its where I learned about the Trinity, giving Jesus Lordship of my life, how to pray, how to study my Bible, and I don't know what all, cause I'm still learning. Its also why I started coming up with things I didn't feel were right in the 2x2 way. Oddly enough, about the same time I would have a spiritually 'growth spurt' my mom would start in on me about being in a false church. It got to the point she would come down on me, and I would start thinking "oh boy! something good is going to happen!" 6/97
Only someone who has gone through a similar experience can really know what someone else is going through. 2/97
I started reading Christian books while still in the 2x2's, and I feel this helped a great deal to clarify my thoughts, and prepare me for life outside the group. I found, and still find, Christian books a great help, even when I do not agree with the author's position.
At the time I left the group however, I did not know if I would be able to find a suitable church, and was even unsure regarding what to look for in a church. However, there were eight of us who left around the same time, and we formed a Bible study group and we studied and discussed various matters of doctrine. We would choose a subject to study, I would search (on computer) for all the relevant verses I could find, and distribute copies. In that way, we studied what the Bible had to say on each subject, and were able to form some conclusions. This simplified the task of finding asuitable church, and was in fact, a great help to all of us. 6/97
When I first left the 2x2s I was an intellectual, emotional and spiritualmess. The things I thought were based on a whole smorgasbord of thinking. I had little thoughts about this or that but nothing added up into a cohesive, well-thought out world view. I had no basis for what is true and therefore I basically accepted everything although I thought I thought I was a very rational person, basing everything upon fact. When I became a Christian, and I realized that there is a very comprehensive, well thought out world view, my thinking became more ordered. One very good book is called Understanding the Times by David Noebel. Emotionally, I think that I basically was cut off from really showing emotion or feeling as a 2x2. It may have just been a family thing, but I suspect that it is more of a 2x2 thing. Marrying someone who had no 2x2 background and shows every feeling in the book has helped me to come to a greater understanding of the emotional side of life. Spiritually, I was the most messed up. As I tasted from the intellectual smorgasbord, I also began picking up bits and pieces of different philosophies and integrated them into my life. I was just as messed up as a New Ager as I was as a 2x2, but I thought that I was free and becoming spiritual and harmonious with the universe. I would sit on hills and watch the sunset and meditate but NONE of the thinking or meditating really fixed up any of the spiritual mess I was in. It was not until I began attempting to research the history of the 2x2s that I began to be helped. I read the Secret Sect and understood the history of the 2x2s, but I still did not really understand the difference between 2x2 theology and Christianity. I then read HAS THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE? and really began to get an intellectual grasp of why I was the way I was and why Christians were the way they were. I began to read the Bible to see if the stuff meshed and I read testimonies of men like Josh McDowell, Charles Colson and C.S. Lewis, and I was sitting on my couch in my living room one day and I asked the Lord Jesus Christ to come and take up residence within my life and to be my personal Lord and Savior, and in a nutshell that is what has helped me the most. JESUS CHRIST HAS HELPED ME THE MOST!!! He has enlightened my mind (intellect). He has transformed my heart (emotions), and He has redeemed my soul from hell and given me eternal life (spiritual). I PRAISE Him from the bottom of my heart mind and soul!!!!!!
I have read that 95+% of Christians were converted in a church setting and yet I was converted in my living room so I think it would have been very easy with very little knowledge about churches or the Bible really to have gotten sucked into a church that really was not biblical, BUT I believe God has led me to where I am and another thing that has helped me has been studying the Bible verse-by-verse, chapter-by-chapter with my pastor. We have been through many wonderful books of the Bible since we have been attending Calvary Chapel. Sunday and Wednesday studies though just weren't enough because I wanted to know more and more, and so I have also listened to Pastor Chuck Smith of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa on tape going from Genesis to Job,and Romans to Revelation....so in a nutshell BIBLE STUDY has helped me tremendously.
I also think that connecting with other Christians, and serving the Body of Christ has helped. It is one thing to be just a Sunday morning Christian and just be fed, fed, fed, and never do anything. I think actually putting faith into practice has helped me tremendously and has also built up friendships with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
Finally, I know that the prayers of others have helped me also!!!!! My grandparents (non 2x2s) prayed for a long time for my salvation as well as other people I came in contact with where I worked etc.....
God is soooooo Good!!!!!!
The thought that has helped me most is that Jesus Christ is all Sufficient to meet every single need that I have!!! I do not need a therapist with a 12 step program to get over the 2x2 experience because Jesus saved me with His one step program and I have been set free indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 6/97
Praising Him and Loving Him,
Roger Stip
What helped me out? A revelation/vision of Jesus on the Cross. Secondly, worshipping with others. 6/97
I think part of what helped me in my "thinking" process while I was still in the group was some "secular" reading I did at that time.The FIRST book that really impacted me was John Bradshaw's, ON THEFAMILY. It seemed the entire time I was reading this book, I found myself thinking more of my "2x2 family" than any other "family" I was a part of... I kept seeing IT again and again in the description of the dysfunctional family!! 6/97